Diary of a Newborn Vampire (BOOK #1)

New Girl

William

I thought I was free from it. I thought I could move past it.

But there she was.

I sat there drowning in another bottle of liquor. Funny how alcohol wasn't supposed to affect my vampire body, but with me, I usually found myself at the bottom of it. Right now, it stirred up all my emotions, making me feel as helpless and human as the rest.

"Damn," I mumbled, as I took the final sip of the last bottle.

I walked out my room to head to the kitchen. I turned my nose to the air as her scent lingered. I smelled it--her. But unlike before when her aroma sat nothing but human and intoxicating, now it settled far different. Far more impossible, making my whole body go numb.

No, no. Not possible. Not possible.

I'd lived the past few days, ever since coming back from Newberry, with a heavy weight on my chest. Bernard said he trusted my instincts because I focused on my heart, but right now it fell loaded with feelings I couldn't possibly understand.

And there she stood, causing my stomach to sink to my toes. The weight on my chest grew to a thousand pounds and it mixed with the alcohol consumption. I didn't bother thinking over my next actions. They just happened.

My emotions mixed with the alcohol mixed with my natural vampire instincts.

"William!" Angelina screamed as she and Victor attempted to pull me off the girl.

Then Victor slammed me into the wall, my chest heaving with all the tension and anxiety I had built up. The girl's eyes were on me, making her assessments as she took in my features, not at all recognizing me from our delirious minutes spent together. And I yelled at Angelina.

How did this happen? Why would this happen to me?

"Why is she here?" I snapped before my mind grazed over the fact that Angelina and Victor knew nothing about the incident in Newberry. They didn't know I knew this girl. That I was the reason she continued to walk this Earth. "Who is she? Why did you bring her here?"

And my head spun as Angelina explained. Eventually I stomped off to my room, slamming the door behind me. And then I was left all alone with my bizarre thoughts. I saw nothing but her face. Before, when she was okay and nothing but another broken human. After she was attack, so weak when I gave her my blood. And now, strong but scared as a vampire.

I'd made mistakes before. Time and time again. During my vampire and human lives, I led both tragedy and destruction. I always tried to get past it all, but my guilt had a way of creeping up on me. Bernard might have trusted my instincts, but right now I didn't.

A couple of hours passed and the night went on. I continued sitting in the dark listening to nothing but my thoughts churning. Then there was a knock on my door.

Jacqueline poked her blonde head into the room, her eyes searching.

"William?"

I sighed. "I'm guessing you heard about the little incident earlier?"

"Angelina told me." She walked over to sit beside me on the bed. She handled the empty bottle that still sat on the bedside table. "You've been drinking tonight?"

I licked my lips. "Are you surprised?"

"You know that alcohol clouds your judgment. Somehow it affects you more than the rest of us. I have no idea what is happening in that head of yours, but it give you no right to go around attacking Newborns."

Right then, I wanted to tell her the truth. About Newberry and the mysterious Ava Sumner. How the girl had almost been killed by the vigilante vampires and I'd given her my blood. How I was the reason she was here in the house now, living and breathing as a vampire.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "But I don't think Angelina should have brought in a Newborn. I know she feels like she can help them, but times have changed. You can't simply hand out your trust anymore."

Her eyes narrowed at me, as if she suspected my secret. "Fine, you don't have to understand her motives, but you can't simply throw around people because you have a problem with their presence. You are far too good for that, William."

Good. There was the world again.

"Maybe," Jacqueline went on, "having this new girl around will help us. We've been living with each other for so long. The last person to join us was Jane nearly ten years ago."

I rolled my eyes. "And we see how great she turned out."

"You know Jane," Jacqueline sighed. "She was the way she is far before we knew her. But this new girl...I think she'll be good for us. She'll present us with something new in this modern world. You can at least give her a chance. You know how important a single chance can be."

Yes. I did.

I didn't ever agree aloud, but Jacqueline left with those final words.

Little did she know the situation had nothing to do with me giving the girl a chance. It had everything to do with giving myself a chance. For so long I'd lived with regret. And now things hadn't changed. I wanted to start over, from the beginning.

Not of my entire life because that sucked. Living with a father who hated me. My mother being dead and my father blaming me so much to the point that I started blaming myself. That was when it all started--how I became so self-loathing.

I wanted to start at my transition from human to vampire. I had done it all wrong.

Our emotions are amplified after transition. That's one of the reasons blood bonds are considered to be tremendously important. Those with blood bonds tended to have it easier. Those without them just seemed lost. And I found myself without one.

For so long, I had reveled in regret only to later goon to kill people just for the high. It was like consuming alcohol-- the blood lust was. It started off as a steady buzz. Then it transformed into a rush. At the end, it only became sickening. Afterwards, I felt like shit. Then I only wanted more.

Give her a chance.

Seeing her tonight had been reality setting in. Her face had flashed in my mind so many times already. I just wanted to forget it all.

How did she find me?

The back of my mind echoed the possibility, but I just shoved it back. No. I wouldn't let it be true. I would do everything in my power to make it not true. She didn't come here because of some impossible pull to me. There had to be another reason. It was all a fluke. A coincidence.

I would make myself believe only that.

Because the other option meant that everything would change. And change was something I couldn't deal with. Not now.