Dark paradise

Nightmare

Emma had left the bathroom and I sneaked out as well, my class had math at this time so I knew no one would see me. I went trough the back door at school, the only ones not in class were the "skippers" as we like too call them. They basically didn't go to class, and rather stayed outside and smoked weed or any other kind of drugs. I don't really care if people smoke weed and such because my parents do it. I've tried it as well with some of my ex friends, actually not that bad. I lighted one of my cigarettes and walked my way back to my house, no one was home. It wouldn't really matter because they don't care about my wellbeing, I took another cigarette before I stepped in. It already smells like smoke and alcohol in our house so they probably won't smell it.

I walked up the stairs and started crying, I've already been depressed when I was 13 and I feel exactly as I did then. I'm still covered in scars and I'm 3 years clean, but I can't handle this feeling. At least it's better than feeling like this, right?
I'm shaking while I'm picking up one of my razor blades, I start to press the blade against my skin. I'm feeling relieved, I'm looking down at my bloody arm. A tear starts running down my face and down to the newly cut scars, it burns a bit. I lay away the bloody razor blade and I'm wiping away the blood. A feeling of regret hits me and I start crying and even more, I reach for the bottle of alcohol in the drawer. At first I'm taking little sips, but I just want everything to end. I then starts drinking more and more, it's so strong and awful. But why not end everything right now? Then I hear the door opens and I lay away the bottle, which I almost had finished. I put on a long sleeve shirt and go down to look who came, it was my mom. She wondered how my day been, I said it was great. She walked away and grabbed a bottle of alcohol and a packet of cigarettes.

I felt really dizzy and laid down on my bed, I did probably go too sleep because the next thing I knew it was day