When You Fall

Chapter 9

When you're young, and when you think you've found the one. Everything seems to fall in place. And everything in the universe seems like it's finally perfection.

But, you don't realize what you give up in the process.

Because by that time, you've already unknowingly gave it up. You don't think at the time, is it worth it? You don't think that you're better than him. And when you think you're somewhat inferior to him, than even he thinks he's better than you.

And can do whatever the hell he wants. With whoever the hell he wants.

I tried, believe me I did, to get out before I got in too deep. Before I turned into one of those girls that fall all over themselves to please a selfish asshole.

Like always though, I went against my better judgement. Which in fact, was my better part of my brain.

I was told all my life, that guys bring nothing but hurt feelings and a low self esteem. It was a war that you just couldn't win.

And only the people who were truly desperate for positive feelings from someone who didn't deserve a hair on their head, were considered weak willed.

I promised myself I'd never be one of them.

But, that's exactly what happened. It was like someone spilled a soft drink all over your brain and sent it into a frenzy of complicated thoughts and unknown emotions.

And it was foreign to me.

I should've known, what with all my training in that field. Which included love stories in the shape of movies and books.

If you were there though, you'd understand. If you were me, you'd understand why I went against all my own morals.

You'd know that I had no control at the time. It wasn't just me pushing my own weight. It wasn't just me being naive. It was me discovering that there is a world outside my window.

There are other people out there with problems bigger and worse than my own.

And Deirdre was one of them.