shit- & shipposting

time..

i'm so bad at keeping time.

the time is currently 4:45 am and i shouldn't be awake right now.

not because i have school tomorrow or anything, but school starts again soon and i have a big problem with time.

i'm bad at being at school in time, i'm bad at responding to texts in time, i take (gerard) way too long time in the shower, i can't wake up in time, i always do everything at the last minute.

like if i'm off to meet a friend. i shower at the last twenty minutes and my friend gets worried and there i am, just got out of the shower, about thirty minutes later than the time we were supposed to meet.

they get mad at me and refuses to talk to me for a while. it often ends up with us getting back to friends again but no one ever really trusts me. maybe with personal stuff but never with time. i am not directing this at someone.

why does time exist..? it's just some crap floating around in space. sadly i imagined some crap floating around in space... that is why the picture is so weird ok, don't you dare blame me, blame my mind.

also memory isn't one of my strong sides either. i forget everything.

like just now, about 5 minutes ago.

i was writing this and my iPad died. meanwhile it started again i went and grabbed my headphones and threw them on my bed. i went and turned my computer off and the lights as well, since it was (and is) 5 am in the morning. meanwhile the computer turned off, i forgot where my headphones went. like how did that even happen?

i'm so confused and frustrated at everything. like seriously, all the time.

in the morning (afternoon.. at 3 pm maybe?) i went and made a bowl of ramen and just, everything seemed like it was slowly closing and the walls getting closer to each other. i felt very frustrated. i felt like i needed to get out of the kitchen. i escaped the kitchen while the water was on, just barely boiling. i went and sat by the computer, watching one or two short videos while the noodles got done. youtube, wattpad and music is kind of my escape from life.

i could absolutely not live without music. i just, what would life even be without music? i mean, i even listen to music while writing this. listening to bliss by muse atm. (#spon)

i have had many existential crises in my lifetime before i even knew what they were.. (thanks to dan i at least know it's not unusual.) it started when i first went to school i guess. i started questioning why i was me. why did i was like,, me??? i mean, why was i born into this body, into this world and saw the world as i did and do? i cannot explain how i still get to that conclusion. it usually ends with someone texting me and i forget about it or i try to not think about it. i get distracted.

i don't know how(ell) i got this deep into thought while just writing out my thoughts about time. this is something i do often. someone asks something about my opinion and i say one small thing. the next second, i am typing a message as long as a bible (no offence) to the same person about that subject.

this is also the typical "3 am-7 am-deep-shit" i get into. anyways. this was just me spilling my thoughts onto the internet for anyone to see. ily whoever that decides to read this. a lot. ♡

- zazza
5:30 am