shit- & shipposting

me being emotional lol

hi hi i'm so emotional constantly i don't even know kjhfdskf---- yesterday i cried at varIOus things like this one picture of gikwang and remembering beyond two souls,,, right now i'm crying because i read it's still beautiful by highlight, i kept tearing up while watching hello counselor sm h why am i like this

sig h

anyway i was starting a heejin fanfic the other day but i gave up haha fun ! i'd how to continue the hyungwonho one;; i lost all motivation haha f u n ! ! ! i have to meet my fa t ehr tomorrow smh i dont really look forward to it-- also i've ruined my sleeping cycle completely like i couldn't sleep until like 5 am yesterday and it's quite tragic because i was awake long enough to talk to arin before her school had started and i talked to dian too and aha suddenly it was 7 am and i was still awake and it was getting light outside kdjfsshdkgfj and i also haven't showered for like- 4 days,, im a filthy person ):

i should do my 'hemkunskap' homework and the geography one and right i have 3 photography assignments and !!!!! class photo day on tuesday woo my fav ! i just really hope it's jaqcues who takes them so it's not like fotonord or something because i can't deal with my birth name--

aha if you don't want to read more 'just trans things' complaints because i'm dysphoric and angry then skip this part--
me and my mUmtHer were in zara and aha yeah i bought the rose jeans there-- and she was like 'you're so picky with your clothing' and i said loud and clear for her to hear, since i was right in front of her,, 'if i had a binder i would wear more kinds of clothes' and she completely dismissed it like really she just went quiet for like 0.5 seconds and then started talking as if she hadn't heard me like bitch????? yeah im gonna call her bitch now because what the fuck ???? no ? does she not want me to feel comfortable at all or what? ? it's almost like when i tried coming out like no i'm not 'still [birth name]' what the fuck obviously not im a fucking tr a  n---- and then my brother also once asked like (tw for slur) 'oh so you think you're a trannie?' UM NO THATS NOT CORRECt he actually asked me if i was a transvestite (u wot m88) and if that it was even possible for 'girls to dress as a boy' like um ???????? im so angry what have my mum taught my brother like he knows less than she does;; he's less accepting than she is i don't understand how it is like this--- and then he says he's 'born in years too late to understand these things'  BITCH YOU'RE '94 MOST TRANS PEOPLE ARE IN YOUR GENERATION AT THE MOMENT HES LITERALLY 23 HE IS S O YOUNG AND HE ACTS AS IF ITS HARD FOR HIM TO EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND IT ?? im so tired of the world ugh sigh i want to cry even more ¤%&/%&/(/)&/##VYtr%/(? also i was so confident when i came out to him like i'm actually so scared of coming out to my mum like my brother i can disown myself but my mum can literally disown me or just deny it and force me into 'being a girl' but my brother is shitty and so when i came out i just so casually said 'i don't identify as a girl' and he was like  o k and i said i'm a guy and he also just basicallu dismissed it he was like ok and didnt really listen and then another day i was like 'hi so could you call me lane?' and he
he straight fucking up said no like he just went 'no' and i said why not and he just said like 'why would i?' or like 'because i don't feel like it' like you fucking b i t ch as s  motherfu ckingh cUNT FUCKER Im so fukICSJCNHDFSDSKLJRRRRRRRR VW,.QPOIEV YRWDNHE R ANǴRY OH MY GDO
can you believe im still dwelling on this my brother said like a year ago smh---- also i think my brother and mum has just like- completely ignored or thought that it actually was a phase because i haven't brought it up since because they themselves don't either;;; my brother is literally no point in even mentioning any more but my mum has contact with my all lgbt+ friendly friends' parents and they all call me lane and my mum is like """"""trying"""""" but not in front of me no of course not why would she like she even said 'you'll always me [birth name] to me you know?' like do you think i give a shit? im so used to my mum and brother calling me by my birth name but whenevr im gonna introduce myself to someone in front of them it's like-------- should i go with my instinct and just blurt out 'hi im lane' or should i choke on my vomit as i say my birth name? today i met two new people from my brother's side and i mean my brother porbbaly already said my birth name multiple times but one of them shook my hand and was like 'hi im alex' (fuCKING LEGIT IM LAUGHINg) and i was contemplating what i was gonna say back but he didnt really expect an answer i guess? i said like 'hi im.... [birth name]???' really low and then a bit louder i said lane but i dont think anyone heard any of it really lol
also my brother's best friend once said something that has stuck to me for two years now and like--- so we were playing would you rather and we just got into the random topic where he asked me 'would you rather be a girl or a boy' and i didnt even hesitate as i was like 'a boy all the way definitely' (see i wouldn't mind being a girl if i actually felt like it tbh) and he legit was like 'oh but you can just like wear a sports bra and put up your hair and---' and i gave him this look,, as if i wasnt doing that and he just trailed off with an 'oh..' but i wonder if he took it as a 'not for real' or like something like that because he hasn't asked me about it since,,,, i just wonder if he knows my brother isn't full lgbt+ friendly or something it's just been completely stuck in my brain ever since-------

anyway im gonna stop ranting i just really felt like i needed to get this out of me,, and honestly if any of you either relate or don't want me to talk about these kinds of things just hmu,, i can remove this chapter if anyone is uncomfortable i just needed to rant ok thank you

sorry here have this one picture of mxm being cuties

have a good night or a nice day-- also anyone is free to pm me or contact me on any other social media if you want to talk or just are bored because i can relate (pls talk to me someone)

byE !!