Let's Pretend [Niall Horan]

Chapter 21

- Aria -
••January 31, 2013••

After Faith and her mother had had their talk, we all decided to go out to dinner together. It would have been awkward to stay in the house after that with nothing to do. I was happy for Faith, but I had never expected things to end like this. I didn't exactly know what was going on. In one sense, I was sitting at a table eating dinner with a group of people. None were close to me. Some used to be, some I wished to be close with in the future. But that didn't mean I knew what I was doing.

I sometimes wondered what was going through Harry's head. He looked at me and I knew he cared or at least had cared. Though he didn't dare say one word to me. I just sat there silently, and I am certain that he's like me, and typically doesn't sit quietly. Or at least, he used to be that way...

As I looked around the table, I noticed how much kindness lingered. Something I hadn't felt in what seemed to be ages. Probably since I was fifteen or sixteen. Now, let's be honest, I didn't want to ever meet or speak to Harry again. Not after what he did. I never knew why he ever did it. I mean, partly I did, but I still didn't understand why he never came to me about it. Instead he went all Hulk on Jake. If only he knew how much I've had to do for Jake since then. But that was why I decided on becoming a psychologist. Because I was mad and sad and wanted to help others with the same or similar feelings. I had to overcome things.

"Aria-," I heard Niall say, and there was a hand waving in front of my face as I blinked a few times, reentering planet earth from a topic I think of (sadly) almost every week.

"What do you do for a job?" Niall said as if he has already repeated it many times, looking at me with kind eyes. Being a psychologist I have to admit I can read people's facial expressions quite well and I liked Niall. He was sweet and I knew that he truthfully was, inside and out.

"I am actually still in uni. I'm studying psychology." I smiled, picking up a dinner roll and smearing it with butter. The question reminded me that I had papers to finish and a few clients to tend to. Poor Jennifer and her fear of cats.

"You are?!" Harry, who was literally sitting as far as he can be from me, exclaimed suddenly. I blinked in surprise, watching him. I wished I could read him as well as I did with any other person in this world. But for some odd reason, I just couldn't. Maybe it was mental and maybe everything I ever thought of him wasn't true. When I thought he was truthful with me he wasn't. And so ever since I couldn't trust him fully.

"Yes..." I trailed off, looking at him as if we had met for the first time. The aches and pains from so long ago rushed throughout my body, and I turned away.

What was wrong with me?! I had been studying phycology for this reason! To not freak out if this moment were to ever come.

"I thought you wanted to become a maths teacher. You have always been amazing at maths," Harry said and I turned to look at him again. He was not lying - that's for sure.

"Hold up!" Zayn said, putting up both his hands in the air. "Who is Aria to you, Harry?"

As soon as the question was asked I bit my lip nervously. It was interesting to know that Harry never spoke of me to any of his 'best friends'.

I couldn't help but let out a long sigh, waiting for him continue. But he just waved his hand, shrugging.

"Eh," he shrugged again, "just a girl I used to know, why?" he answered casually and I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I quickly stood up, putting my napkin back onto the table, "I have to go to the bathroom, please excuse me." I was already walking as I spoke.

When I finally found my way to the girl's bathroom, after dodging many people, I just stared at myself in the mirrors. What is wrong with me? I took psychology so I wouldn't have anxiety or panic attacks anymore. I even tried convincing myself I was the person who was wrong that night. The idiotic one that invited both Jake and Harry. But for him to just...blow me off like that at the dinner table...if only he knew how much that hurt me.