Nyctophilia

One.

One.

I cant see anything.

Everything is just, black but I feel this blackness moving around in circles. Does it scare me? No. I'm used to it. Every single one of my nights goes like this.

- -

I wake up feeling like a mess; I always am. My mind's blank, all I can manage to think of is my house address, but I dont want to go. If I dont go to my own house, where else would I stay?

I ask one of the people I know who looks sober to give me a ride. I would call him a friend; I've known him for three years, but I dont have friends, not even acquaintances. I have no one.

- -

I could hear my parents shouting from three blocks away. Wow. I get inside the shed outside; it was once my brother's, before he left. Locking it, I pull out 'A Clash of Kings' and try to focus on reading it. I can't. I'm not even sure if my parents know they have a daughter. They look at me like a stranger would anyways. They know nothing about me; my favourite colour, what I like to do, nothing. They've always been like this. I blame them for my insanity. My brother escaped but I couldn't. He had good grades, got into a good college, but what about me? I manage to get some Bs. I only try in school to get out of here.

- -

I wake up once again to someone knocking. I know its Kaya. She may be the only person I'm kind of close to. We met in school; she was the good girl just waiting for someone to turn her bad. That someone was me.

I open the door to let her in.

"Sup! They still following you?" She asks. I could never understand how she could be just so happy in the mornings. So unusual.

I nod and offer her some of the left over Whiskey. "My stash is done. We have go to the tunnels tonight. Mikey says he has some new stuff for me. Lock the door when you leave, yeah?" I say and get out. Her just mentioning them following me right when I wake up makes me feel nauseous.

- -

"This is Julian. I believe you've met before?"

I smirk. Met before? Trust me, we did way more than just 'meeting'.

"Not really." I tell Kaya. "Who's this?" I ask Julian, eying the good looking boy next to him.

"Axel." He introduces. I nod at him in approval and make my way inside.

I see Mikey in the corner and make my way towards him. "I want something strong. Been thinking too much lately." I tell him. He hands me a packet of hash and a pink powdery thing while giving a thumbs up. Mikey can't speak. "How much?" He shows me five fingers. "It better be good." I say and give him the money.

- -

Sweat. So much sweat. I like it. I'm so breathless. I throw my hands in the air and just sway with the beat. Someone's kissing my neck. I hold on to his neck. I need air.

"Take me somewhere." I tell the stranger. He picks me up on his back and walks outside. I laugh. The world's purple. It's supposed to be black. They know I'm here. They're coming. They know!

"Who knows?" A voice is saying. It's Julian. I smile and kiss him. He removes my shirt; the only think I'm apparently wearing; and I take off his jeans. He rubs his large hands on my body and goes down on me. It feels...nice? But it's going to end. They know.

- -

There's a knock on the door. "The police is here! Get out!" Two more knocks and a person comes in. Julian gives me my shirt. I'm confused. What's happening? I look towards the door but everything's blurred.

"Hurry up! We don't have much time." He says and makes me wear the shirt.

It's clearing up. The blurriness. I see a figure in the doorway. A man.

It's him! It's one of them!

"Run." He says. I scream. "STOP FOLLOWING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE! " I shout and run away, tears streaming down my face. Why won't they let me be happy? Why me? I run faster until I cannot hear the music or see anyone. I feel dizzy. Really dizzy. I find a trash can and puke in it.

They've ruined my life. I find a tree and lay down.

They won't let me be happy. Ever.

- -

Something's falling on my face. Periodically. Its liquid and so irritating. I manage to open my eyes and find leaves above me. The liquid falls on me again. What is it? I touch the place where it fell and my fingers get wet. I look at them; they're red. Red? I look above me again and there's a body hanging. I scream out loud for help but nothing comes out. What's happening? I shuffle to my feet and try to run. I manage a few steps before falling. I get up again and run. I run till I find a bus station.

I take a seat and take out the box of spliff and the lighter from my shirt pocket.

- -

"Where'd you go?" Axel asks, taking a seat next to me.

"None of your fucking business." I answer, blowing out a puff of smoke.

"Well you ran away from us. I was just curious as to what made you so scared." He says taking the spiff from my hand and throwing it away. "This shit kills."

"Only if you knew what more kind of 'shit' I was on. And you owe me a spliff. It's expensive." I tell him. "Not that you would care. Rich boy." I pick up the spliff from the ground and light it again. "Five second rule?" Smirking, I get on the bus.

- -

What happened to the blood on my hands? I know it was there! I touched it! Or maybe I'm just tripping. Taking my English coursework, I walk out of the shed.

My house isn't too far away from the school so I just walk. Plus I cant afford a car and my parents won't drop me. Walking isn't so bad though. I guess.

Walking into school, I head straight to the English class.

"I hope you have the coursework. It was the last warning." Mr. Fitch tells me. Such a sad excuse for a man. I drop the file on his table and get out of the building before a teacher can catch me and head straight to the shop.

- -

"You're fired."

"What?"

"You've been late everyday for the last two months and you don't even work."

"I have school." I tell my boss, the owner of the skate shack.

"Exactly. You're not supposed to work. Go to school and learn." She tells me.

"You don't understand, I have no money!"

"You spend all your money on drugs, alcohol and video games. I can't see you waste your life like this. Go to school." She says and pushes me out of the shop. What do I do now? This is stupid as fuck. What's her problem? She doesn't know my life is shit. Poop. Im shouting inside my own head. Great. I knew they'd spoil it. They spoil everything.