One bad move

Chapter 3

 
     I sit on the edge of my bed, trying to work up the courage to call Justin back.
I wasn't really sure what the problem was, considering I had only called him 30 times earlier that day with Chase.
Except this time, he might actually answer.
I grip my phone, going over all the possibilities of what could happen, in my head. I push the still wet strands of hair out of my face.

I have to. I keep repeating in my head.
I want to. I whisper.
And right before i hit call, my phone lights up.
He's calling me again.
My heart sinks, I've gotten that feeling a ton of times in the past few days. But this time it was worse.
I sit, my finger hovering over the big green button.
I knew if I waited to long he'd get mad and just hang up. Or worse, I'd miss the call again.
I didn't want him thinking I was ignoring him, oh god that's the last thing I wanted.

"Uh hello." he says

Justin knew me, he knew that sometimes I never knew how to reply so I was just silent. So after my gap of leave, his soft voice that was so calming, continued.

"Mak-" he says.

"I want to see you."

The words traveled through my body, settling hard in my stomach.

"Now?" I say in my best attempt to talk.

"If you aren't busy."

I look down at my huge sweat pants, feeling my newly washed hair.
I didn't care what I looked like at this point, and knowing Justin, neither would he.

"We can go for a drive." He says.

"Text me when you're here" I reply.

Without saying bye Justin quickly hangs up the phone. I wasn't exactly sure if it had really hit me that I was actually going to see him yet.
I sit in the same spot for a minute before going to tell my mom where I was going.
She hadn't known about me and Justin's argument yet.
And I wasn't quite sure I wanted her to. So when telling her I was going out with Justin, and didn't mention he probably hated me and was going to break up with me once he got the chance.

Although I knew mom wanted to question me, she didn't. Was it because Erica? I didn't want her babying me. I did miss Erica, knowing I'll never see her again did make me want to lay in bed and never move again. 

But I shouldn't be given any special privileges.I didn't complain though.

Walking up to Justin's car gave me such an overwhelming feeling. A part of me wanted to hug him to death, and a part of me wanted to throw up thinking about what he could say to me.

Was Justin about to break up with me?

The thought of that made me want to go back in my house.

"Hey." I say closing the car door trying not to slam it. Since Justin hated that about me. He'd always tell me not to be so angry, and tell me how bad it was for the car.

"Where to?" He says giving me a half grin.

"Anywhere I don't mind." I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

Justin backs up and pulls out of my driveway. I knew he didn't drive this careful when I wasn't in the car. And that gave me a bit of satisfaction.
It was silent for the next few minutes. I couldn't find the right words to say to him.
And clearly he couldn't either.

"Mak." He finally says with a sigh.

"Yes, Justin."

"Are you doing okay, you know. Since.. Well. Erica-" he paused, almost instantly regretting bringing her up.

"I heard-"

"Yeah.. Well as okay as I can be." I say shifting my body to the other side.
This is what he came here for. This is why he called me? Did he even know Erica?

"I understand you don't want to talk Makayla. But even after everything that has happened. You know I'm always here, right? I'd never want anything to ... Happen to you." He finishes with a gulp. Like the words got stuck in his throat.

"Justin." I say, looking out the window.

"Look, I know what you're going to say. And I don't wanna talk about it! I just wanted to see if you were doing okay!"

"No? I'm not Justin. I'm not okay, I lost you and now my best friend!" Quickly noticing how tight I was gripping my pants.

"Just take me ." I mumble.

On the way home neither of us talked. I knew this was my fault, which made me want to apologize, not like that would've made a difference.
Finally he pulls into my drive way. I wasn't sure what I was going say when I got out.

I had to say something. Even if I knew he wasn't going to.

Before getting out I turn to Justin, meeting his bright blue/green eyes.

"Goodbye." I whisper. Searching his face for something I wasn't sure know of.
Justin leans and kisses my forehead.

"Goodbye Mak." He blinks hard.

I break eye contact, pushing myself out of the car. My eyes started to welt, so I rub them away, my mom couldn't see my crying.

I had enough of this stupid sick feeling I kept getting. I was sick of losing everyone.

I finally reach the door, before turning the cold knob I look back to watch Justin pull away.

Did we just break up?