Although I both started and ended this one off in weird places, I'm actually quite proud of how this turned out aha x
Imagine: Bloodstream scene w/ Ed
"You know what, fuck her." I thought.
I sat and ran a hand through my sweaty ginger hair, having a look around the crowded club. I was glad I hadn't been approached by anyone yet.
"Probably because I smell of sweat, desperation, and alcohol and I haven't showered in days." I thought to myself. I chuckled, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. Every smile felt like a personal lie to myself, there was no happiness without Y/N.
Being the guy that I am, I'm usually spotted somewhere at least a couple times a week. I was always grateful towards any fan or admirer, but tonight I wasn't feeling very friendly. I was glad to be left alone with my anger, my sadness, and the crippling thoughts of the girl that had left me behind. That was one thing I could have done without.
Strobe lights were flashing in hazing patterns and the music blared. It's funny, after you've found the love of your life, you never expect to find yourself lonely in a place like this on a Thursday night. For a guy desperately in love like me, you'd think I'd be making better use of my time. Usually at a moment like this I would be cuddled up on the sofa with my love, snacking on fajitas and watching Shrek. But that was before things went wrong, before she fell out of love with me. I swear, if I'm only in love when she wakes me up, than I'm ready for this nightmare to end. I hadn't felt this lonely in a long, long time. It's scary actually to think of what I lost just over night. I had no one, no one to keep me warm. Well it was exceptionally hot in the club but that wasn't the type of warmth I was seeking. Y/N had been everything I wanted and everything I needed. The clubs were far from a replacement of her yet that was where I had found myself.
There were people everywhere, some looking for love, others lust, a few drinking to suppress devotion. A prime example would be me. I wasn't here so much as to get lucky, but to lose myself for a night in the one thing that would never scar and leave me. Alcohol. A week ago I would have thought that was her. Funny just how fast the night changes.
I kept my head down, my eyes in my lap and lost in thought. I sat my arms on the counter of the bar and scanned my tattoos. I was doing alright until I came across the small snowflake tattoo I had gotten for her a year ago. My snowflake, that's what I'd called her. Who knows, maybe I had only been feeling the coolness of her heart.
"I haven't melted away yet." She would say, throwing her head back in a laugh. That was when we would get into little quarrels and she would joke about leaving me in the end after all harsh feelings had subsided. By the end of the night she would be back in my arms. But that was then. I guess this time she was serious. That's why she's home somewhere, packing bags, and I'm in a club.
When I couldn't take it any longer I put my head up and caught the attention of the bar tender. I ordered my first round of shots and prepared to lose myself. I stared at the glass for a good while, going back and forth with myself on what to do.
"For god's sake down it Ed. You've already lost her, what else have you
got?"
"What do you think you're doing? Put the shot down and go fight for her."
"You're screwed this time. She's not coming back. Let's drink to your bullshit."
"You're fucking pathetic if you'd sit here and let the one that you love slip away from you. You can't give up two years of love all in one night."
In the end my demons won. In the end it had been more than a fight. It was a war and I had seen it coming on full force. I picked up the shot, lifted it, and mumbled "here's to you love." And I downed it. It stung at first, but after a few more my body quickly familiarized the taste. I hated to say it, but I had been here before.
I decided I needed more after a few rounds. A few glasses of hard liquor were starting to do the trick. I was loosening up, and all traces of Y/N had been forgotten.
I was taken back to hear some of my very own lyrics start to blare from the speakers. I had been so far gone I didn't even notice the beginning of my own song. It was now approaching the chorus:
This is how it ends
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
Fading out again
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
So tell me when it kicks in
I laughed to myself.
"It's definitely kicking in."
I spoke to no one in particular as I bobbed my head to the music and drank. The glasses were beginning to pile up in front of me. I got stares, and even a smirk from the bartender as if to say "You sure you can handle this buddy?" But I wasn't done yet. I wasn't sure how much alcohol it took to push the past two years out of your mind, but I sure intended to find out.
