My Own Happy Ending

Chapter 1

Do you know what the word jouska means? It is the hypothetical conversation that plays out in your head, which is what I'm having that right now.

I'm sitting in bed thinking of all the bad things that could go wrong tomorrow. I turn and look at the time; it's 2:37 a.m.. It's not gonna be so easy getting up at 7:30 a.m..

Tomorrow I'm going to try, note the word try, to face my crush, but with the what ifs going through my mind, I can't do it. It's best to just stick with the usual like writing a note to him so that I won't have to see his face that's less nerve wracking. Ugh I just need to face it... And I need to go to sleep.

I turn over onto my side and curl up in a ball. I close my eyes and try to count sheep, but my brain keeps rolling on. What if I talk to him and I have food on my face and then he thinks I'm the weird girl that can't keep her food in her mouth?

I sigh. "I can't fucking go to sleep." I throw the covers off and walk to the kitchen for some sleep medicine to go to sleep. I pop it in my mouth, making sure to be as quiet as a mouse. I don't want to wake my parents.

Thinking of my parents sleeping in the same bed puts a bad taste in my mouth.  My mom has left 3 times. The first time we went to Kansas at which my moms side of the family lives but in about 3 weeks my dad came and got us and brought us home.

The 2nd time we went to a women shelter in the summer. My brother and I went to a day camp at the elementary school. I was always the weird kid in the back, so it hadn't been a good experience.

The 3rd time we went to a government paid home and stayed there for about two years. And now here we are.

I don't think they really love each other. I mean if my mom really loved my dad she wouldn't have left so many times. I think that my mom only got lonely. I guess you could think the exact opposite of me and think that it shows just how much they love with each other, that they found a way back to each other, but for me its the way it is.

Shaking my head I quickly walk to my room and wait for the medicine to kick in.

                           At school

My heart pounding in my chest I walk up to David. "Hey David." I punch his skinny arm lightly. He glances at his arm and back up to meet my brown eyes and I glance down form his chocolate ones.

"Hi?" I feel his friends watching our conversation and I feel my face heating up.

" I uh was wondering if um uh if you know... "I trail off hearing his friends whispering.

Somewhere in the back of his friend group i hear, "She's got a really big nose." I hang my head slightly.

"Why is she even talking to him?"
"She probably likes him." They snicker. Their words float around me and I regret this.

I look at them calmly. Even though inside I'm dying.  David probably thinks the same thing.  They stop laughing and look at the ground with ashamed faces.

I look back at David and he's looking at my nose. " Never... Never mind."

I turn around awkwardly and walk to the restroom, feeling their eyes on my back. I get into a stall and stand there, staring at the restroom door.

I can't cry even though it feels like they are about to burst out.

David probably thinks I'm the ugliest girl ever. I knew I shouldn't have let Ashley and Miracle convince me that that was a good idea.

I walk out the stall to go and find my two best and only friends. I walk around in the cafeteria. If they are not in here then I'm just going to go to a classroom to work on some stuff. I'm not going to back outside where there's a chance David will see me.

I don't see them in the cafeteria so I walk to my science class.

Short chapter I know but it's only the beginning....

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