Torn

Chapter 7 Scars and Kisses

AN: SOOOOOOOO SORRY
JUST SCHOOL HAS BEEN A BITCH
I WILL TRY TO POST SOONER NEXT TIME.
THX :3

Leonardo
With every passing day, my feelings for Alese grew and grew. It felt like my heart was a tree, and she was my water and sunshine. Happiness flowed through me every time I saw her smile. I never felt this way for someone before.

But that didn't mean it doesn't come with side effects.
At night, my demons prayed on these new found feelings. They creating twisted nightmares, haunting me. Sometimes, my nightmares could be so horrific that my fingernails would dig into my palms because my fists were clenched so tightly.
"It was just a dream. Get over it Leonardo." I stared at the mirror, and the monster on the other side stared back. I was cleaning the small slits on my hands again, it was one of those nights.
My voices in my head screamed, reminding me of the horror I had just awoken from.
You'll never find your brothers.
Your not strong enough.
You'll never be able to protect Alese.
Your a failure.
Things like this are what makes me want to smash my head through the tile wall. I looked at my puffy eyes, Why was all of this happening to me? Have I ever done something so wrong that I would deserve this?
I my head replayed my dream, and I couldn't do anything but listen:

"Your just a monster. No matter what you do, who you try to be, or how hard you try to hide it; you know your nothing but a monster."

Tears ran down my cheeks. I was shivering.
"It was just a dream Leonardo."
But it was true, I was a monster. I wasn't born like this. I wasn't originally a mutated freak. I was made. Some scientists injected me with chemicals and did tests on me. I was never supposed to be like this.
I open the mirror, and put the leftover bandages in the cupboard. Toothbrushes and toothpaste laid inside, some dental floss, the usual things. I closed the cupboard, bringing my face to face with myself again. I couldn't stand looking at myself, but I just couldn't tear my eyes away.
How do I escape this?
_______________________

What have I done.
My memories of last night where mostly erased, till I saw them.
Two thin red lines, one on each wrist.
Last night, I tried to kill myself.
Why? Why why why? Why was I being so fucking stupid? I know I was upset, but why?
Oh man, if Alese finds out-
"Morning Leo." Alese glided by, greeting me with a soft smile.
"Um- uh- morning!" I stuttered in response, desperately pulling down my long sleeves to cover my wrists.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Of course!" Lier
She raised an 'eyebrow' in suspicion, but then to just shake it off.
"Tea or coffee?"
"Tea, like always."
I walked over to the kitchen, knowing the risks. I reached up to grab the mugs, but Alese gave a hard poke to my side.
"Ah! What was that for!"
Her tongue playfully stuck out, and let out a childish laugh. Increasingly, she has been making more and more physical contact, from little pokes, hugs, and and at night falling asleep on my arm.
"Why are you so jumpy?"
"I'm not jumpy. I just have quick reflexes."
She rolled her eyes.
"Yah yah, whatever. How's your back?"
"It's fine, why?"
_____2 days earlier________

"I really don't need your help. I can do it myself just fine."
"Mm hmm."
Alese forcefully made me give her permission to undo the bandage around my torso.
Little by little, she unraveled the bandage, revealing my plastron. I was actually not against the idea of her helping me, it was just the part with her seeing my plastron and wounds that worried me.
The thing is, I haven't got around to telling her that I was originally just a turtle that was mutated as a experiment instead of a human that go unlucky. Of course I'm assuming that she thinks I was human, but I honestly have no clue what goes through her head.
"Holy shit." Through the mirror, I saw her eyes widen, her face filled with shock.
"What is it! Is it bad?!"
"Did they drag you on a gravel road for a hundred miles? Cause it sure looks like it."
Ha, I would rather that than the truth.
"Well, the good news is that I don't see any areas that look infected and it seems the majority is healed. But some areas are still a little raw so I'll just some alcohol on it-"
A flare of burning pain struck my back, making me let out a roar of agony.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't know it would hurt that bad!"
"It-t's ok. I was just caught off guard. Proceed." I hugged the back of the chair I was sitting backwards in. I clenched both my eyes and jaw, waiting for the next blow.
I felt the damp cloth on my skin before the fiery sting. Instead of screaming like last time, I only gasped.
This went on for about five minutes. For the first few, all I wanted was for this to be over. But around halfway, I got over the pain, and all I could feel was the cool cloth lightly dabbing my wounds. I began to slowly enjoy it; I'm aware of the fact that I push people away when I need help, it's always been a problem, but the feeling of being cared for gave me a little relief from the burdens and responsibilities I carry in everyday life.
"Leo?..."
"Earth to Leonardo. Are you there?"
Shook my head and squeezed my eyes, trying to recover from the flash back.
"Uh.. Yah. Right here."
She squinted, jokingly looking pissed off. She stood on her toes, reminding me of how tiny she was compared to me. Well, to me, a giant to pretty much everyone, she seems tall for her age, about 5'7".
"Well, as I was saying, I actually was up all night making plans."
"For what?"
"To break into Credell's HQ."
"WHAT!?" I dropped a mug, but grabbed it midair. "Isn't that the one place we're trying to avoid!?"
"More like getting caught."
"Then why would you ever want to go back!"
"Look, in the building, there is a giant room filled with files. And if we find yours, we could probably find were your brothers are located too."
"And how positive are you that such confidential information can be in my file."
"We're just going to have to take the risk."
I can't believe this! It's a huge risk! We'll probably be killed, or worse.
"Come on. Do you have an better idea Leo? Cause if you do, please do tell."
I opened my mouth, but I couldn't think of anything to say.
"I want to help, and this is the best I can do. I'm sorry."
Her eyes had a tinge of sadness, the feeling of failure.
"Alese," I grabbed her hands, her fingers snaked between mine, lacing them together. With a closer look, I saw dark circles under her eyes. "It's not that I think your idea is bad. No idea is a bad idea. It's just.. Um.." That I don't want to lose you? Something so simple can be so hard to say. I squeezed her hands a little harder.
"It's..?"
"I don't want to hurt anymore lives than I already have." She immediately knew what I meant, I could tell by her cheeks burning bright pink. She turned around, resuming making tea. Her face remained flushed, but she blocked herself in her own world, like I wasn't there. I wanted to wake her from her own spell, but I just couldn't do it, something was stopping me.
For the rest of the day, there was nothing but silence.

"Leonardo?"
It was 9:37, Alese's head stuck out of the hallway looking into the living room. Her cheeks and nose were red and she was wearing her coat.
"Mm hm."
"Can I borrow some of your blankets?"
"Why?"
"It's a surprise." A mischievous smile curled on her lips.
"Be quick."
I gave her the majority of my blankets, except for the one wrapped around me. She disappeared into the hallway. It was about 5 minutes before she came back.
"All ready, come on." She grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hall and outside. The nighttime cold felt like a slap to the face. She lead me up on a ladder onto the roof. On the roof was a nest looking thing made of pillows and blankets.
"That's not even the best part."
"What do you-"

"Holy shit." My mouth gaped open in amazement. I have never seen this many stars in my life! In New York, seeing maybe a few stars was amazing, but this, nothing can top this.
"Pretty cool, eh?"
"Pretty cool? More like fucking beautiful."
"Yah... Fucking beautiful."
I sat down, grabbing more blankets but never taking my eyes off the sky. Alese joined me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Thank you Alese."
"Your welcome."
Again, there was silence. But not like the silence from before. It was a calm one, it removed me from my troubles and worries. It made me feel happy and that both me Alese were safe.
"This brings me back."
"Oh really?"
"Yah, me my dad and my sister would come up here and stargaze. Sometimes it was just my sister and I."
"Sister?"
"Uh.. Yah... Sister, best friend, babysitter... She was everything to me. But she, well.. Passed."
She pressed harder one me, she drew a sad sigh.
"I'm sorry. I know how important family is, but I can't even imagine what's it's like to lose someone."
She raised her head, looking straight at me. I couldn't tell what her expression was.
"Leo, do you care about me?"
"Of course."
My heart began to go a few beats faster.
"What if I died? What would you do?"
"Depends on the death."
"Would you sacrifice yourself for me?"
I grabbed her hands, my heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst.
"Alese, I would do anything for you. Losing you would be like losing a piece of my family. I care about you a lot."
A small sad smile shone.
"If your worried about tomorrow, don't be. At least not now. It's going to be ok. Your plan is going to work. And if it doesn't, I promise I will protect you."
I didn't realize till that moment how close we were. Literally centimeters apart.
"You promise?"
"I promise."
I looked into her watery eyes, so perfectly reflective that I could see all of the stars in her eyes.
Then, it happened. Her lips softly pressed against mine. Everything grew blurry, but I felt surrounded in warmth. I closed my eyes and I leaned in a bit. I cupped one side of her face with my hand.
We staid like that for what seemed like hours, but in reality only seconds. She pulled away and tightly hugged me. I hugged her back. I wanted to kiss her again, but then she would probably guess the truth.
How long am I going to keep this a secret? Will I ever tell her? Why don't I tell her?
Because even though we're both freaks of nature, she is still human under the mutation, and, I'm not.
I heard Donatello talk about the possibility of retromutagen, a chemical that can reverse the effects of mutantgen. If this was possible, Alese could go back to normal. But, it would do no good for me. I'm either this, or a tiny brainless turtle. It's best if we just stay friends.
But with all of the stars in the night sky tonight, I wish we were more than that.