If you go on the internet and look up the word "Loneliness," it will give you "Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship."
As a kid I never would've thought that I would ever say "god, I'm so lonely" to myself. Ever. I've been catching myself thinking that a lot for the past few months. Its not that I don't have anyone either. I know I'm loved, I'm so blessed to have the people I currently have in my life. I appreciate them all and love them oh so dearly.
But here's the thing;
I could be in a room full of people who would talk to me, or even give me affection (such as hugs), yet I still feel just as lonely as I would if I was locked in my room, completely alone.
Getting invited to things as simple as just hanging out with a friend gets me so excited. A lot of people don't think of it this way, but it really means a lot to me when someone asks to hangout with me. People are choosing to take their own time, and effort to see me and spend time with me. I find that really great, touching even. Although even if I'm excited and so ready to do things and hangout, it doesn't seem to fill the emptiness I have inside me.
I ignore it the majority of the time, sometimes I even get so distracted that I can't even remember what I feel. But if there's even 3 seconds of silence or of whatever that doesn't keep my mind occupied, I hit rock bottom all over again.
I don't know how to fill this hole, I sure as hell don't know how long this'll be a thing.
But I sure do hope it wont be for long.
