Church

It was a still summer, the summer the church came around and changed just about everyone in Newberry’s lives. It was a still summer; nothing seemed to change from day to day, the humid air was thick, and little kids would rather stay inside watching “The Rugrats” than ride their bikes to the park on the corner of 49th and Lemon. It was a still summer, the summer Oliver Chamberlain gave the fine student’s of Newberry High School a piece of his mind. Oliver had just come home from a month long film internship in New York, had rubbed elbows with the somebodies of the film industry, and at the mere age of eighteen had become quite the revolutionary. Oliver had an idea in mind; he was to convince everyone in Newberry, Nebraska that their strictly Catholic ways were uncalled for since he had reached Nirvana and now knew the true path to happiness. Oliver did not believe in organized religion; in fact, he was an atheist. But he decided the only way to convince people that their suppression was wrong was to make up a bogus story of how he spoke to a deity.

Oliver was wrong. He only became more of an outcast by claiming he has spoken to a divine spirit, and was still ridiculed. However, he had gained one follower from his demonstration; Jenny. Jenny Nguyen from the outside seemed to be your typical straight-laced asian girl who only cared about

school and her chances of getting into UCLA;but on the inside, Jenny was a rebel without a cause. It now seemed that Jenny had found her cause, and his name was Oliver. Jenny was raised a Buddhist. She never really understood, nor cared, about the religion, until Chinese New Year when she was anything but disagreeable in accepting her money, as Jenny was somewhat of a shopping addict. When Jenny heard that Oliver had reached Nirvana and now knew the path to true happiness, she knew it was a scam, but she went along with it. You see, Jenny had had a massive crush on Oliver Chamberlain since the sixth grade and she would have given anything to speak to her tall, pale, and awkward obsession. That is why on that fine day, the first time she had spoken to the god himself (September 13th to be exact) the first thing she did was was call her best friend Pakshi and spill her guts out.

As Jenny told Pakshi all about the amazing conversation she had with Oliver where she was this close to getting his phone number before he said, “If I believed in cell phones I would surely give you my number, but as I believe technology has single handedly robbed the living souls of the human race and he would have to decline”; Pakshi could not help but to think of her own problems. Pakshi had just got into a huge argument with her parents who she believed were too traditional and never understood her needs. Pakshi was a straight A student and intended to keep it that way. She was not rebellious, not looking for trouble, and basically met the demographic of everyone in Newberry except for the fact that she was a member of the only “brown” family in town and that she was a Hindu, willingly. Although Pakshi met most of the societal norms, there was always one fault in the back of her mind: Her family was Hindy and that made her an outcast. So, when she had heard of Oliver’s plan to reform the strict standards of Newberry she told Jenny to make sure to tell him that she was all for whatever he was

preaching as well.  

The group met at lunch, that is where the idea came around to start their own religion. They were just in the middle of creating a mission statement when Brad, the quarterback, all-American good boy came around and yelled, “Are you freaks trying to create a new religion?”

“yes”, the group replied in unison almost cult like

“ and what makes you think you have the right?”

“Oh, just the First Amendment of our Constitution, you did take US this year, right?” Pakshi replied

“ Of course, God bless America, you know, my God, the Christian God.

“ We don’t want any trouble” Oliver spit

and the group moved tables.

That night on Facebook an interesting scenario happened, Brad messaged each one of the church members and told them that he wanted to learn more about the church and that they should hold a meeting for aspiring members. Thinking Brad had changed his mind on what an injustice the teens were committing, Pakshi made an event and invited the entire school.

Fast Forward two months, it is now December. The most Catholic event in Newberry. The church has been criticized for two months now, Oliver had dropped out of school in order to devote his complete self to “the well being of the church”, and Pakshi and Jenny have been frantically studying for finals. Everything seems to be going well with the church, they have now gained ten members and fifty likes on Facebook. However, the church has also gained some enemies too, the entire city of Newberry

in fact. Brad has told everyone about the scheme and about how it will ruin all that the Newberryians stand for. Although Pakshi and Jenny are nervous about what Brad could possibly do Oliver is still calm.

I have a great idea, the most amazing idea, an idea that will blow your minds, steal your souls...” Oliver presented.

“You mean even greater than creating a religion for no reason and almost getting us killed by th entire town of Newberry?” Pakshi refuted.

“Even better.” Oliver said, unscathed.

“well spill” Jenny said.

“ First of all, let me make this clear. This religion is not aimless. I did not create it for popularity, to hang out with you girls all day, or to just rebel, i created this religion to take a stand. In [insert name here] we have combined every positive aspect of organized religion. We have created a super religion where everyone is accepted.We will not exploit our members or anything of the sort...”

“We have heard this speech before.” Pakshi and Jenny said in unison.

“You may have heard that part before. But what about this part? We are going to move the church to Portland!”

“Oregon?” Jenny questioned.

“Yes Oregon.” Oliver replied and opened a Manilla folder complete with diagrams, detailed plans, cost summaries and an online education he had set up for Jenny and Pakshi to complete to stay up on their studies.

“ I have thought of everything. Now hop in and we will be on their way.”

It might have been spontaneous, in fact, it most definitely was, but the group drove on to

Portland that day and 3 months later created a large fanbase and secured a location, the up an coming religion had caused quite a sensation.

“We will never become what every other religion has, we will never ask you for money to fund our church, mostly because none of you dirty hipsters have any money... just kidding. We will never make you devote yourself entirely to the church, drink the Kool Aid, make you do anything you don’t want to do. For we are the greatest church on Earth and you are the greatest people! Amen.”

Oliver preached he had become quite the spokesperson for [insert name here].

All seemed well until three months later when the church finally caved in to financial pressures and asked for donations. The people obeyed but still questioned this action in the back of their minds. Then the church started wanting members to do things outside of service... fix up the church and such, and finally, when the church invited everyone outside to the forest to meet the evil spirit they were fighting with their religion the people did not obey. So Oliver forced them to a river nearby, he had become so corrupt he wanted to push the min. He had Pakshi and Jenny tie them up with rope and blindfold them.Just as Oliver was about to push them in, a figure appeared off the water. It was [insert name here] the imaginary deity of [insert name here].