Rejection Causes Love?

Chapter 4: It's Not Enough

Chris and I began walking at a leisurely pace, and I expected him to drop my hand, but instead he just curled his fingers around mine and tightened his grip. I didn't mind, but I was sure he would. I was surprised how kind he was acting. He started up a conversation as we walked, and I realized how funny he was. He told me about his family and I told him about mine, and I tried to pretend that he wasn't mean to me every day of the week. When we got to the end of the mall, we had to go through a store to get to the exit.

"Wait, we're leaving the mall?" I asked. He nodded.

"Hell yeah. It's way too busy in there." He said.

"But my car is still here." I said.

"Nathan got a ride here with Maya. They're gonna leave soon, so just leave your car unlocked and put the keys under the drivers seat. I'll text him and he can drive it home for you." Chris said.

"O-okay." I stuttered, wondering why he wanted me to go with him so bad. When we got to his car, he opened my door and let me get in. I raised an eyebrow at him. He ignored it and then got in the other side, starting the car and then driving to the other parking lot where I left my car. He pulled up next to it and I put the keys where he told me to. He texted Nathan and then smiled at me as I shut the door.

"So...where exactly are we going?" I asked. He looked over at me.

"Um, I don't know. Where do you wanna go?" He asked.

"There's a park near the school. We could go there if you want quiet..." I suggested.

"Okay." He said, making a U-turn and heading towards the park. We talked about everything but school, not wanting to bring up the subject of his behavior around me when other people were around. Even though I didn't understand his actions, I still didn't mind. Because he was being nice to me, and it made me fall for him more. I wondered if he actually had feelings for me too...

When we got to the park, we got out and he put his arm around my shoulder as he sat down on a bench under the shade of a tree. There were no people anywhere near us, so we had complete privacy. He looked at me in a strange way.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you like me Madison?" He asked. I froze. Why would he ask that?

"Of course I like you, you're a nice person." I said. Yeah right. That might have been the biggest lie I had ever told in my life.

"No... I mean, like me as in..." He trailed his hand down to my waist and pulled me closer.

"Do you have a crush on me?" He whispered, his cool breath fanning across my face and raising goosebumps on my arms. I shook my head no. It wasn't a crush. It was wayyy more than a crush. He cocked his head to the side.

"I think you're lying." He said.

"I'm not. " I assured him.

"Then how do you feel about me?" He asked. His lips were extremely close to mine. If I just tilted my head I could kiss him.

"I like you more than a crush." I whispered.

"Oh really?" He asked with a smile. I nodded, and my hands rested on the collar of his shirt, gripping it tightly. He leaned forward, but before his lips met mine I backed away. Was he trying to KISS me?! Him?! He didn't like me!

"Madison?" He said in a confused voice. His hand around my waist was preventing me from getting too far away from him.

"Why do you act like this?" I asked, finally deciding to bring up the subject.

"Act like what?" He replied, although I could tell he knew what I was talking about.

"In school around other people, you bully me all the time, and I don't think you even know how much that hurts me..." I said, tears filling my eyes. He put his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest as some of the tears fell.

"And then when we're alone you're just... Like this." I said, motioning to how he was holding me. He pulled away so he could see my face.

"Madison. I'm in love with you." He said, his hands trying to wrap around my waist again. I pushed his hands down and glared at him.

"If you're in love with me, why don't you ever show it?!" I asked incredulously. He sighed and looked away.

"I'm very...well-known in school and you're...not as well known and-"

"Let me guess. You're embarrassed of liking me because you're afraid if we got together it would ruin your popularity." I said, suddenly understanding. He hung his head shamefully.

"Chris! That's not love!" I shouted. His head snapped up.

"Huh?" He asked.

"Love shouldn't be embarrassing. You don't love me Chris." I said, tears falling again.

"I just bullied you so that I could cover up my other feelings for you. The more my feelings grew, the more I bullied you." He whispered. I turned away from him. It felt nice to understand why he always acted like that, but I was heartbroken that his popularity mattered more than me if he actually loved me.

"Listen." He said, his hand touching my shoulder. After drying my tears, I turned to look at him.

"No one has to know about us. I promise. But I do love you and I just want you to be mine." He whispered.

"Us? Chris, there is no us. I'm not having a secret relationship with you if your popularity matters more. Just...take me home." I said, trying to fight back more tears. He sighed and he hugged me briefly.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Then he got up and strode off towards the parking lot, with me following him.

When we got to his car, the ride back to my house was silent, except for when I told him the address. When he dropped me off, he rolled down his window when I was at my front door.

"Madison!" He yelled. I turned around and his eyes were pleading.

"If you change your mind...you know where to find me." He said. I nodded stiffly. I wanted to change my mind then and there because I loved him, and his hurt expression was killing me, but he could live through it.

"Maybe now you can feel as much pain as you've caused me." I mumbled under my breath before opening the door and going inside. Wow, what a rough night.