A Child Broken

Chapter 1

Sometimes people say good things come to those who wait, but I've been waiting for seventeen years and I still have nothing. Well I shouldn't say nothing I have my pet goldfish named Roxy but goldfish don't live very long so I shouldn't hold my breath. I haven't exactly had a great life but I don't like to complain because I hate sympathy.

But... I was asked to write about my life by my school counselor so here I am. I've been depressed lately and it seems uncontrollable like I'm drowning in my own feelings and no matter how much I grasp for air it just sweeps out of me. I can't control it let alone get over it so I just leave it.

My counselor thought this would help me get out my feelings. So let's start from the beginning... My name is Savanah Wickerson but I don't like to use that because it's my so called "dads" last name. When I was six my deadbeat mom got addicted to drugs because she was tired of having me around. I reminded her of her attack which led to me. Everyone told her if I was going to remind her of what happened to her to get rid of me before it was too late but she didn't listen. Now here I am motherless because she couldn't stand the sight of her own daughter.

She got hooked when I was six and didn't even try to quit she brought random men into our home which wasn't much of a home to begin with. Sometimes she even brought her dealers there and then one day she brought her boyfriend back to the house at around midnight. Once my mom passed out drunk he snuck into my room, slowly closing the door behind him. Me being only seven years old had no clue what was going on.

All he said to me was "I'll treat you good if you don't scream and you make this our little secret." Then he began touching me, violating me, downgrading me, and taking away my childhood. I was never the same after that one night, that one scary, insane, unbelievable night. I can never say I'm the same person I was before, something like that practically ruins your entire life. This went on almost like an annual event every time he came over he would wait until my mom passed out and then he would sneak into my room.

For two years and then a couple months after I turned nine it finally stopped. I remember that night like it was yesterday I got home from school at around 4:30. When I got there my mom asked me where I'd been because school let out at three and I said I was at the library right down the street. She didn't believe me but I blew it off, although the one thing that got me was she looked worse then ever before she of coarse was drinking and popping pills but she was also shooting up. She had almost never done that in front of me but today was different she just didn't care. And then the boyfriend came over. He was with my mom for a while and then he came into my room but this time I came prepared...

I stole my moms pistol and hid it under my pillow. I had had enough so when he went to get on top of me I pulled it out and shot him. Boom! One shot to the head he was gone. I was scared and scarred, covered in blood and even though she probably wasn't the person to go she was still my mommy. So I went to go find her and oh did I find her. I found my mother the only barely love I have ever known hanging from the ceiling fan. Her pills bottles and needles surrounding her on the bed and the floor. I was already hysterical after what I had just done not comprehending the situation, blood running down my arms and legs.

I was frozen with shock wanting to scream but nothing came out and I couldn't function. I wanted to cry and scream and shower and die. But I couldn't do any of that because I was frozen the one moment in my life when I shouldn't be frozen and I was. So I dropped the gun and went to go check on her as I slowly creeped into the room I felt like I was disturbing her like she was happy like this dangling lifelessly from her bedroom ceiling fan. I tiptoed to her side and held her hand as the tears streamed down my face. One after another they just wouldn't stop and I couldn't stop wheezing and trying to breathe this was the first time I could say I was drowning in my own feelings and couldn't get out. Like I was locked in my mind and the only person who has the key is hanging beside me.

Finally I sleep in the pitch black darkness not just of the night but also my heart with two dead bodies in the house. Hours on hours on hours I was sleeping almost as if I had been knocked out. When I woke up she was cold as I've heard some one say your not dead until your cold and dead and oh she was. I slowly walked out to the kitchen avoiding the blood drips as I creeped down the hallway. When I made it to the kitchen I frantically searched for the phone and found it in one of the drawers. I called 911 and they arrived only minutes later with me still standing in the kitchen.

They rushed in, one paramedic comforted me while the others looked for the bodies. One body discovered laying cold and dead on my bedroom floor with a bullet through his head, his disturbed head. Then the second body, my mommy dangling expressionless in her bedroom more like the room she perished in.