The Songs of Strife

-INTERLUDE: MALAYA

We woke with distress on our doorsteps. War is coming. That was uncle Ming's own words. And I wonder if its all my fault. My friends told me it was unavoidable. And now, here it is. It sickens me that I could be the reason why this is happening. Why war is happening. I've seen many wars.

Since I was young I knew how nasty it can get. How merciless and futile. My mother and grandfather knows too. Losing them in the chaos of war still aches our hearts. Now, it threatens to steal another one I love. I hate it, and so does father.

I don't want to lose another one I love. I fear for father, my uncle, my brothers, grandma and Lam. Thinking about Lam going to battle...I could not imagine the horrors he'll face. I couldn't imagine the thought of losing him. Not now. Not ever. But father says he's exceptional, that he has it in him to be a bagani and so much more. I don't know if that's bad or worse. I only want to be with him. To have a family with him. To be as far away from the chaos. Do I not deserve that? Do I not...?

I want to scream and shout to the heavens to stop this madness but I couldn't. All I could do is help those I can. Contribute to the greater good. Mother would agree with that. She always knew what to say and what to do. I wish she was here today. She'd be happy seeing his rascal sons grow up to be fine young men. She'll be surprised how father has change.

Lam gave me a gift today. It was the most amazing thing he's given me. Uncle Ming told me how he worked at the gift every night for a month. This is why I love him. Well, one of the reasons. But the gift was nothing. Now, it meant nothing. All I want now is for them to return back. To vanquish those who need vanquishing. I'll ask and pray to all the gods they come home. But with the luck I have...

We don't know our enemies. If it was the Chi'ns, war will be fought on the seas but our chances would be good, father would know how to fight them. If it was the negritos and Haytan's sons, then it would be fought on the lowlands. It would be dirty and unforgiving, long and drawn out but it would only give father more ways of beating them. But if it's the Magalos of the Sultan...if it's the damned Moors...I can only pray that it's not them. It would be pitting mortal men against devils. Through all this, one thing keeps my hopes high. I'll be having a child of my own. Lam and mine. A family. The idea that war is in every corner is too much for me. I hope to rear him away from all this mess. Away from my father's wars. Away from violence. I wish mother was here right now. I'd be more at ease. She always knew what to say and do. She always did. But I guess I'll have to do it on my own. I guess I'll have to trust myself...

--- from the recovered babayin writings of Dayang Malaya, daugther of Datu Pulaco

Translated by Lamberto Aguilar in THE LANGUAGE OF THE LAND (pages 427-1521)