More Than A Memory

Chapter One

I opened my eyes to my white walls. The memories of what would've been still fresh on my mind. I take a deep breath to control the usual tears. "Why is this so hard?" I ask myself glancing up at my ceiling. I allow a tear to slip down my cheek, but quickly wipe it away. Sighing, i sit up in bed and look around my room. I mentally add 'Pick Up My Room' to my long list of "To-Do's". Keeping busy was the only was to keep my mind off of him. Sometimes though, i cant stop my flow of tears. No one understands had badly my heart is broken.

My mother was still mad at me. She doesn't believe what i say. When i break down she simply leaves the room; not bothering to see if i was okay. I was alone and heartbroken. Although, not completely alone; Ariella and EmmaLee would always be here for me, as well as a few of my other friends. Ariella and EmmaLee knew everything though. They knew every thought i had about him, and i knew their every thought in return. That doesn't help me though, the pain is still there.

Every morning i awake from the same dream. Its more of a nightmare really. Nothing will stop them. I caused them, now i must live with the pain. The small voice in the back of my head pipes up, "Its not your fault silly! Hes the one who went back on his word. Hes the one who should be living with this pain. Not you! GET OVER HIM! He is the past. Move forward again!" I want to so badly, but my heart refuses to let go of the memories,  the words, and all the promises that he once made to me.

Feeling that a break down was coming, i climbed out of my warm bed and looked into my mirror. I groaned inwardly. You could clearly see the bags under my eyes. EmmaLee was coming over today and she would definitely notice them. I pushed t he thought aside and gathered up some clothes, not caring enough to pay attention to the details, and grabbed my things for a nice, hot shower.

As i stepped into the hallway i knew my mother could see me from her seat in the living room. She looked me over once and said, "Don't forget to do the laundry today. Along with your other chores. IF you get finished, EmmaLee might be able to come over. I haven't decided if she can yet." I sighed, "Alright mom, I'll get it all finished." I grabbed a towel from the hall closet, before i could take a step she said, "You better." And she turned her attention back to her book. With a lump in my throat i walked to the bathroom and pretended it didn't kill me when she treated me this way.

After my shower, i busied myself with my "To-Do's". I glanced down at my list: Clean My Room- Check; Clean Living Room- All but vacuuming is finished; Clean Kitchen- Not yet; Do laundry, Straighten Up Bathroom, Clean Laundry room, and of course Make Sure Mom Doesn't Need ANYTHING Else- All not even attempted yet. I walked down the hall to grab a pen from my nightstand when she stopped me, "What are you doing?" She demanded. "I'm trying to get a sen so i can mark stuff off my list...." I replied meekly. "I thought i told you to do laundry.. Do you hear the dryer running? I don't! Get busy Keanah. NOW! I want this house cleaned by noon." I looked at the ground and tears flooded my eyes, "Okay mom. I'll do it" I opened my bedroom door and stepped inside. My door clicked shut, and the flood gate to my tears burst. I sat on my floor against my door and cried. No one came to see if i was okay; no one came to help me. I looked around my blurred room, on my dresser sat a picture of my father. I looked down at the necklace hanging from my neck, my only connection to him. Holding it up i ask, "Why Daddy? Why is she treating me like this? You know I'm not the one who did this! Help me make her understand Daddy! Please!" I put the necklace filled with his ashes against my lips, "Please" i whispered one more time.

My tears flowed freely down my cheeks as i rose to finish my chores. I grabbed the pen i wanted and walked across the hall to the laundry room. For the rest of the morning i worked hard to finish my long list of chores. At noon i sat down on the couch and glanced at Mom, "I'm finished Mom. Can i go see if EmmaLee is home?" She looked at me over her book, "Laundry is done? You got all of it, even out of my room?" A small smile played on my lips, "Yes. All of it is in the dryer. Everything is finished now. Please." She stole a glance at the clock, "I guess you can go see. Be back here in five minutes. If you aren't, you'll be in trouble." I nodded and stood up, "Okay Mom. I'll be right back," i looked over at her, "I love you." She didn't even glance at me, "Yeah Keanah." I frowned as i opened the door. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and ran across the street to get EmmaLee. She would help me feel better.