Remember the vow you made ( Book 1)

You did this

Every time it rained I would find myself thinking. Thinking about the past. Analyzing the present and trying to predict the future. It was a sad process. I was shedding the tears to prove it.

I have lost so much these past five years. My husband. My consciousness. Moments with my son. Adjusting to all this change was scary. Finding out why it happened tore me apart. Why had Kyron even wanted to put me through something like that? I thought he loved me? I thought he cared about his son.

Did he not think of all the things that could go wrong before he put his foolhardy plan into action. Did he expect it to work because he wanted it to? I hated him. He just robbed me like I was nothing to him. Not his wife, not the one carrying his child I was some trophy that he had to have.

I woke up wanting to continue my life with him. To be with my husband and our son. Only to find out it was all his fault. When Jasmyne told me I did not want to believe it. How could the love of my life, my best friend, my protector hurt me like that? What was I supposed to tell his son? He would not be five years old forever. He would have questions. What his dad did is not something he needed to burden his life.

I wanted to be there with my child. For his first steps, first words, the first day of school, first birthday, all birthdays. Why did you have to do this to me Kyron? I can't stop watching my son sleeping or awake. He might get tired of me being so attached to him all the time. I just could not help it. I missed so much already and he was the only thing between me and a mental asylum.

Jared my sweet little boy. I thought he would not have been so fond of me. He was already so used to life without me but Jasmyne, she included me when I was not there. She taught him how to love me when I was unable to love him back. He made holiday and birthday cards with his cousins for me. He was the most amazing kid. He liked pizza and hated peanuts. He was like me in so many ways. It pains me to think of all the ways he will remind me of his father.

The rain poured heavier hiding everything beyond two feet with its grey blanket. Covering everything with a cold mist. Contorting trees, shrubs, and houses into obscure shadows. Much like the way I was feeling. Everything around me was right there but at the same time, a grey mist had my brain all distorted beyond recognition. Then there was this letter.

Jazzy

You are to me, what the sun is to the sky.

You are, so gentle so kind

You are the better part of me

When alone I could never be

I am proud to call you mine

Together we belong

Not going separate ways

Without me, you'll find better days

Without you, I'll be hurting

You are, the sun to my sky

You are, so patient, so enduring

You are the passion to my pride

You are, and will always be my one and only bride.

I love you beyond the sky

My darling. I am sorry for everything that I have done. You did not deserve it. I don't deserve you. You are my better half and I went crazy without you there. I don't know how else to explain this to you. I love you so much jazzy. I have hurt you when I vowed I would not. Ever since the day you left my world has been in shambles. I am nothing without you.