The following morning I stopped into the school to pick up papers for James. We had promised each other that if we were ever out for over two weeks to get all the work we've done and hang on to it. But I didnt know why I was doing this. James wasnt just home sick or away for some emergency reason. "James was missing, gone, possibly from the world, possibly forever," I shook the thought. He was alive. I was sure of that. "He certainly is not dea-" I choked out, but couldnt finish it. The words sat on my lips, mocking me. But refused to come out.
Thats when I realized. The one place James had always liked to be when he wished he wasnt here, was deep in the wodds. So deep that that you could scream and no one could hear it. You could cry for hours and not worry about anybody coming. But most people were afraid of those woods. But not James. I had walked into those woods plenty of times with him and each time the fear was a little bit lessened. But not this time.
I had left the school and went straight to the woods. I knew he couldnt be there. But I still had the slightest bit of hope he was. I walked up to the edge of the forest. That fearlessness that James had, that I always got when I was with him, that was gone. Gone with him where ever he is. Gone, maybe for forever.
I thought about what he would say, " What? Afraid? I knew you couldnt handle this, knew it would be too much. " James wouldve stood there and teasted and taunted me until it drove me insane. Eventually, I would've went in with hiim to our little clearing. I wiped away the tears that had started running down my face. Looking into the depths of the woods, I felt something hit my back and a thud as it hit the ground. I jumped around and scanned the area. No one. But that wasnt enough for me. After taking one unsteady step, I jumped back and looked at what I almost tripped over. Puzzled, I picked up the notebook and quickly leafed through it. Empty. I took off the pencil that was taped to the front. Someody wanted me to have this. But what was I supposed to do with it? Was it meant as a diary, or something? Or was i just supposed to right little poems and leave them scattered like in a book i had read? And was whoever threw it at me still here?
I stalked around the edge of the field where it met the woods and listened intently. After making sure that nobody was around, I stood in the same spot I had earlier, notebook in hand, and looked into the depths of the woods again. Tears jumped into my eyes as I ran in. Right into the woods. Tears streamed my face and I knewmy eyes were flooded with fear. I pushed every emotion back. I tried to push every single little thing back, the tears, the fear, and even the hope. The hope he might actually be there. And as I tried to remain emotionless, a small flicker of hope still danced through my heart.
I made it to the center and without James with me to talk to and joke around with, it seemed to take forever. Like instead of it taking a couple of minutes, it felt like a couple of years. But as proud and victorious as I felt, my heart plummeted to my stomach. But what did i really expect? To have him show up here and have everything be all right? Or maybe even for him to confess his love for me, too?
I crumpled in a heap with tears streaming my cheeks again. "I just expected it to be better," I said, not realizing I said it aloud.
"What?" A male voice called behind me. I knew it wasnt James-his voice was no where near the same- but I felt that flicker of hope rise in me again. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I thought. Why do I keep hoping?
"What was supposed to be better?" The voice asked again. I spun around which revealed a boy not much taller than me with rich brown eyes and dark brown hair that came to a small point in the front.
"W-who a-are you?" I stuttered, shaking. I patted myself down for anything I could use for a weapon. Nothing. Instead, I pulled out my phone and had 911 dialed and at the ready.
"T-tell me who you are or I'm calling the police," I choked out, a little bit stronger.
He stepped towards me. " Hey, hey, hey!" he said in a deep, soothing voice as he reached out an arm as an attempt to try to calm me down. "Easy," he said after a long moment. He grabbed me by the arms, put his face inches away from mine and, looking into my eyes, said with a smile, "I'm not gonna hurt you."
I let out a deep breath to make him think I trusted him, but I never put my phone away. "Well then, who are you," I asked him again.
He let go of my arm but left one arm out saying, "Jay," his voice cutting through my soul. Grabbing his hand hesitantly, I replied. "Emily." Nervously, I shook his hand, not trustung him still. We shook and he put his hands up in surrender. "See, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk."
