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Part 9

Almost five months pass.

Steve perseveres, because that's what he does best. At first it's hard to think about anything other than the void she seems to have left. Natasha. His heart twinges at just the mere mention of her name for the first few weeks. He misses her sly smile. He misses her razor sharp wit and the way she'd tease him. He even finds himself missing the endless granddad jokes. He misses going on missions and knowing she has his back. He misses knowing when he'll see her next, and so much more.

It still hurts, the way she'd left that night. He'd been so certain she'd felt at least something for him on that balcony. But still, he'd hesitated, and the moment had slipped through his fingers. The only thing that gets him through is that he knows she'll be okay, that she'll come back. Hopefully one day soon, and maybe he'll get around to saying all those things he'd left unsaid before.

So he carries on without her, because whether he likes it or not, the world's still turning regardless, and he'll sooner die than sit around feeling sorry for himself like a lovesick fool when people need his help.

He's just got back to his apartment in D.C from another mission and is just about to start making some food, hair still wet from a brief shower when he sees the blue notification light softly pulsing on his phone. Generally, he doesn't take it with him on missions, especially short ones. Picking it up, he sees there's a bunch of emails, a few missed calls from various people but nothing that looks too urgent. It's late evening, and he decides he'll get back to them in the morning. Apart from one missed call and a voicemail from Clint, asking to call him back. It's only a few hours old.

Pushing the dial symbol, he waits for Clint to pick up. He just wants to get some food and go to bed but generally Clint doesn't call him unless it's important, so his curiosity wins out. Hopefully it's nothing too disastrous.

"Hey, Clint, did you need something?" he asks wearily, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, yeah, I was wondering, have you seen Nat?"

"Nat?" he asks, puzzled, but instantly wide awake.

"Yeah, you know, red hair, short, could kill a man with a paperclip?" Clint's voice rolls.

"No, I know who you mean I just-is she not still on her mission?"

Clint doesn't respond right away. Wait. Does this mean she's back? He hears Clint curse under his breath, as if he's said something he shouldn't. Steve's heart beats faster and suddenly he's clutching the phone a little tighter.

"She's back? When?"

"Four days ago," he says. "Sorry man. Thought she would've told you." Steve's heart clenches. Yeah, so did he.

"No...no she hasn't."

Clint's quiet for a moment and Steve huffs out a breath, not sure how to feel. Four days? She's been back for four whole days and she hasn't even bothered to at least let him know she's alive and safe?

"Where is she now?"

"AWOL," Clint sighs. "Why I called actually. Thought she might be with you."

"Well," Steve starts, trying to hide the sudden bitterness he's feeling from his voice. "Apparently not."

"Huh. Guess I'd better start looking in some other places then," Clint muses.

"Let me know if she turns up."

"Ditto."

Clint hangs up, and Steve's hand falls to his side, still holding the phone. He doesn't know how long he stands there, unmoving.