Cachè | Complete One Shot Collection | Jaspar

Tapping Glass and Moving Past

"Night Oli, Night Caspar." I smiled pointing the camera at them.
Caspar waited patiently for me to end the Vlog in the corner of the room.
I bidded  the video good night, and turned off the camera.
"You going to sleep now?" Caspar asked. I nodded, yawning.
"Okay night." He smiled, walking over to me and leaning down kissing me softly. "Ahh" I screamed grabbing him and pulling him on top of me and rolling over on the bed.
"Ouch, Joe. Stop. Sunburn." Caspar yelled and I pulled away, feeling guilty.
"Oh shit sorry Casp." I pulled away, standing and looked at him, he did not look happy.
"No, we're done. It's over you've broken my trust." Caspar yelled, dramatically rolling over and burying his head in the pillows.
"Haha, okay. If you say so. That's what you can tell everyone. Joe and Caspar broke up after two years because he touched Caspars sun burn and portrayed his trust!" I yelled, dramatically fainting on the bed.
"Seriously, can you two make up and go to bed already, so we can get some sleep?" Oli yelled, not impressed. I giggled at him, looking at Caspar now facing me. I smiled whist placing another kiss on his lips and turning off the lamp.

-

I woke to movement beside me and rolled over to see Caspar padding across the room out onto the patio of the hotel room.
The cold blue light of dawn subtly lit the room. I watched as he quietly slid the door shut and sat on the ground.
I bit my lip. Should I?

I sighed, knowing I couldn't go back to sleep without reassurance.
I crawled out of bed and walked past Oli, snoring louder than an old man with asthma. I contained a chuckle and lightly knocked on the glass before Caspar turned round and noticed me, a smile of acknowledgment played his lips.

"Hey, Casp." I whispered, sitting down and crossing my legs, mimicking him.
I looked out toward the ever rising sun and couldn't help but admire the view.
"Joe." He sighed. I looked to him and scrunched my nose. "Whys everything so shit?"
"What'd Forest Gump teach you?" He smiled, filling me with a familiar sensation of home. He lent his head on my shoulder. "Shit happens. We can get through any shit, together." Caspar laughed and a shiver ran along my spine.  
We sat in silence for several minutes just watching the sky, through the metal rods of the banister, before He spoke.
"Did you ever think you'd...ya know?"
I knew exactly what he was talking about, I never had the balls to talk about it before. But we were out here freezing our butts off, I had no where to hide from him.
"No, not before you. Ever. It actually got to me, because I really didn't get it. You?"
"I always had an odd relationship with guys. I had a lot of friends who were girls right up until the end of high school. I always knew why I was so afraid of my own species, but I never truly admitted it to myself until you." I smiled at the thought. We both brought the best out of each other. "Do you know you weren't my first?..." My eyes widened and I pulled away and looked at him, checking if he was serious. "Calm your shit, I meant kiss." He let out a deep laugh and I glared. "So protective."
"Asshole, I felt like our whole relationship was built on a lie." I sighed.
"For like 3 seconds." He retorted. "Aren't you going to ask who they were?"
"Wait, more than one?" He nodded, a grin plastering his tired features. "WHO?"
"Uhhh...some closeted jock in high school, who punched me right after we made out for like 5 minutes. Ugh, several guys during a tipsy game of spin the bottle like 3 years ago. And then there was, Tyler..."
"WHAT!?!???"
"Calm down, it was before I even knew you, and it was a dare. Trust me it meant nothing, it was just a little fun." I readjusted myself and fixed my gaze back to the blazing ball of fire, I was considering throwing Caspar in.
"Anyone else?" I groaned crossing my arms on my chest.
"Actually, there was this other annoying guy I lived with, he was the biggest closet case I'd ever-" I laughed and then cut him off, pushing him over, his back hitting the ground.
"I am not. Come on? What about Trevor? Or Connor? You're full of shit Caspar Lee." I spoke loudly getting on top of him and pinning his arms down with my knees.
"Right..." he mumbled, A scowl consumed my features as I held his shoulders down. "Get off.." I smiled, leaning down and pecking his lips before rolling off him.

We resumed our positions watching the sunrise and sat in content silence until the sun had risen almost halfway from behind the building blocking it's path. Before he cut into the silence like a freshly sharpened knife.

"I'm so tired." He sighed and I knew he wasn't talking about his lack of sleep.
"Me too." I mumbled placing my hand lightly on his knee.
"This, it's so exhausting. It never had to be like this. People like us could just be ourselves, and be together with the people we love without having to worry about every moment. Every future empty moment is just another itching opportunity for them to figure it out. For us to mess up, one step off line and were fucked." My eyes flickered over his hunched and irritated stance, and I felt guilty. Guilty that I stepped off the trigger plate and blew up this notion.
"That's the thing, there no difference between secrecy and privacy in this business. All or nothing." I replied. Caspar locked his blood-shot eyes with mine.
"And I hate that, I should be able to just be with you for half an hour, to watch a sunrise without having to worry every five minutes someone could have seen and noticed. I want to have you to myself..."
"They have no right, no matter how much they've given us, no person has the right to pry into our lives and see our private, no! Secret moments. Our love, should be our love. It's no one else's to take or capture but ours, and we don't have to. We don't have to show them. This is ours. It will always be ours. Because as much as we try to make them understand they won't, they won't understand me or you, or us together." I shuffled myself along the concrete so I could face him. His hand grasped mine tightly, and I squeezed it reassuringly..
"I understand us, I understand.... You..." He spoke his chin to his chest, reassuring himself and I with his simple words.
"But if we don't just let them in on us, a little. One day they're going to find a little that leads to the whole lot. And what's the use in keeping everything secret when they're eventually going to find out everything and on top of that feel like we've betrayed them and lied to them? I know the way we've always talked about it as if it's not lying, just privacy is total shit." My eyes scanned the sand stone beneath us, sighing. "We were just trying to make ourselves feel better. And its all for nothing because this whole thing is making me feel like total and utter shit.
I feel like we don't deserve to be together. " I rubbed his hand between mine as I spoke. "I hate to say it but we're shitting bricks, either way this goes."  A smile crept on Caspar's face and a shimmer of happiness leapt through me.

A light tap sounded from the window and I almost jumped.
I looked up to see a tired and confused Oli behind the door. His arms crossed across his chest. He noticed our position and mouthed, "Is he okay?" Pointing to Caspar, his head now leaning on my shoulder.
I nodded thankfully. And he smiled simply turning around and walking away from the door.

I leant against the side of  Caspar and lifted his head off my shoulder into my hand directing him to look me in the eye.
"We'll figure this fucking thing out together." I whispered. I knelt my forehead against his and leaned forward a few centimetres. Closing the gap with a kiss.
"Joe..." He sighed lovingly, pulling away.
"Come on." I sighed. Pulling away from him and standing up. I brushed off my hands and stuck one out in front of me. "Breakfast time." I cheered, pulling him up off the ground.

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A/N

Look at me!! Updating on the right day!
So incase you hadn't heard, I now have an upload date set.
So the idea is, I will update every second Sunday, starting today.

Also, did you like this chapter? I have been observing a lot of ships (cannon and not cannon). And I have come to the conclusion, we have no idea how they feel. Online, privacy is a weird and manipulated thing, and I wanted to show some insight into that.
I wanted to try and make you see, how hard I can only imagine it must be for online couples out of the bag or hidden.
I wanted you all to appreciate them and their privacy and think twice before you jump to conclusions.

The internet is a crazy place, respect its creators and their privacy.

Let me know what you think in the comments!

Ooo, also you can look forward to a new cover soon! (Fingers crossed!)

I love you weirdos and I'll see you in a fortnight.

- Row ❤️