Beyond Loving You

Unspoken Promises

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"No, this has to stop—whatever this is."

It took me a lot of courage to push those words out of my mouth I could barely say it. I didn't want to say it. I hope I made it sound good enough like I was really convincing him and not myself. Ang hirap kasing sabihin kung hindi rin naman talaga iyon ang gusto mong mangyari. Pero anong magagawa ko?

"Bullshit! I don't care about anyone else, ikaw lang! Why do you have to resort to this?"

Mabilis akong tumalikod para palihim na punasan iyong 'di ko napigilang luha. This is turning out to be more difficult than I have imagined.

"It definitely sounds cliché but it's not you, alright? It's me—I'm the problem."

And it's true. Everyone's giving way pero ako itong hindi matahimik na may mali pa rin. Everything's not fine and some things are broken. I have to fix at least half of that.

"Do you not love me?"

I do, of course. But it doesn't matter at this point. I have long denied of that and even then you hoped to hear it. But I'm sorry if even until now I can't give you the satisfaction of hearing it.

"Fuck this shit," he said, grabbing on to his hair. He looked like he just realised something, na para bang bigla siyang nabagsakan ng kung ano. "Do you mean to say then...that I misread all the signs?"

You did not. I liked you, too. And now I love you. But there are just a lot of wrong things in my life right now. And though you're the only right one, I know I have to fix myself up. For me to call myself deserving of you.

"I'm sorry."

I really am. This is on me. I'm one big messed up. And being with someone miserable can turn you into a miserable person as well. I don't want that to happen with you.