10 Years Later (Larry 1d)

Chapter 23

Louis woke up a few hours later, his heart heavy as he remembered seeing the lads' interviews, the lads' pain. Harry peppered kisses to his back and gently asked, "Are you okay love?" Louis felt tears pricking his eyes but he blinked them away, resolving not to cry again. He rolled over to face Harry, and fuck this was intimate, forehead to forehead, in nothing but boxers, legs intertwined. He turned back over quickly and sat up to hide the flush travelling across his chest and face and mumbled, "Downstairs, need tea".

They got out of bed and pulled on some t shirts and sweats, Harry's bony ankles poking out of the bottom of Louis' too-short joggers. Louis laughed fondly at Harry, passing him a pair of socks to keep his ankles warm and they headed downstairs to make some tea. They sat facing each other on the couch, each leaning against an armrest and toes touching. Harry cleared his throat, suddenly focused and asked, "So what happened at the studio today?" Louis faltered, knowing there was no way he'd be able to avoid Harry's questions when he had that intense look in his eye. With a deep breath he explained haltingly how guilty he felt, how everything was his fault and he just couldn't bear it.

Harry opened his mouth to assure Louis that it wasn't his fault, but a loud knock on the door stopped him. He frowned at the interruption, having given specific instructions they were to be left alone, before getting up to answer the insistent knocking. Liam, Niall and Zayn pushed their way past Harry and into the living room. Niall asked in a slightly panicked tone, "Are you okay Louis? Sorry to barge in, we couldn't wait any longer and neither of you are answering your phones. What's going on? We can edit the show if that is the problem".

Louis sighed and figured now was as good a time as any to have the chat they'd all been brushing off since they reunited. Seeking a reassuring glance from Harry, who of course obliged, Louis started to really talk about his guilt. He explained how he would never be able to forgive himself for taking off like he did; for splitting up the band without a thought for them and their livelihoods; for ignoring them for ten years; and if he couldn't forgive himself, how could they ever forgive him? He explained that seeing their pain in those videos was just too overwhelming to him. Being confronted with the devastation he had caused broke his heart.

Liam started hesitantly, "We were hurt Louis, of course we were. But we weren't ever really angry at you, we just missed you. It was really hard to suddenly have to quit mid tour, to cancel shows and let the fans down. But if I was angry at anyone, it was Harry. Obviously I wish that none of the drama had happened, but I think something would have broken us up eventually anyway. It might have been Zayn's drugs, or just sheer exhaustion from the way Modest! Management pushed and controlled us, or any number of things. I mean we toured constantly for 4 years, barely having a couple of weeks a year off to see our families, having every moment scrutinised and tweeted about. We would have snapped eventually anyway. The only thing that I wish is that we hadn't spent the last 10 years apart. But I'm willing to draw a line under the past, to move on, to forgive and forget, and to make the most of this opportunity we have now. I want us to be brothers again, and we can't do that if you freak out and run away every time there is a reminder that it was shit for a while. Wwe can't do that if you can't forgive yourself and trust that we forgive you.

Niall and Zayn were nodding along to Liam's speech, while Louis sat there speechless. His thoughts were interrupted by Harry mumbling nervously, "What about me? I left you guys too, I ignored you, and this really is all my fault. If I hadn't slept with Eleanor none of this would've happened." Liam turned to look at Harry and said, "I was angry with you for a long time Harry. I couldn't understand why you had distanced yourself from the four of us in the band, how you could do that to Louis. You left without explaining any of it to us, you just got on a plane and left. We found out from Twitter what you had done, that our careers were over. It was a dick move and I spent a year or two hating you. But mostly I was just confused. Now that I understand what really happened, I'm not angry with you at all any more I've completely forgiven you. We just wish you had confided in us, we would have helped you through it, and I feel guilty for not seeing what was going on, for not supporting you. I mean looking back at it, it was so obvious that you loved Louis I don't know why we didn't guess. I need your forgiveness just as much as you need mine."

All the lads were choking up by this point, having laid their emotions bare. Harry apologised for disappearing after the split, and explained how he'd been too ashamed of himself to face the others. Niall and Zayn added a few more words to echo Liam's sentiments. They all inched in for a large group hug, surreptitiously wiping stray tears away from their eyes. They all felt for the first time, that maybe this would all work out okay, that instead of an uneasy truce where everything had been brushed under the carpet they could have an honest and meaningful relationship, a brotherhood, again. Louis felt like he had found redemption in these four men, who'd been thrown together almost randomly when they were just kids. He couldn't keep the smile off his face and he felt free, free-er than he had for such a long time He could feel a shift within him, in the way that he felt about himself, his guilt and insecurities abating as he basked in the love and acceptance of his brothers.

After they'd finished hugging, Zayn reminded them that they had to let the management team know about the edit. Because Louis and Harry had left abruptly, no decisions had been made. Louis thought for a moment and said, "I'm happy with the edit, they got everything I wanted in from my point of view. And, well, I think it's about time we started telling our fans the truth, even if it isn't pretty, rather than the lies Modest! Management constructed". Harry nodded and agreed, so Zayn called the management team to let them know to Harry & Louis were happy with the edit, and to crack on with the one or two changes the other three had mentioned at the studio. Zayn hung up and told Louis and Harry that their managers wanted them to check in, if they were up to it. Zayn then stood to leave, stretching and telling the others he had to get back to have dinner with Perrie. Liam and Niall looked at their phones and nodded, Niall wanting to get home to put the kids to bed and Liam wanting to see his fiancé too. They left, Liam telling Louis he'd DMed him his number on Twitter and shouting, "see you tomorrow" at Louis & Harry.