Guilty

Chapter 1: Silence

Chapter 1: Silence.

He doesn't say anything, just walks closer and stops a few feet in front of me. I refuse to look at him directly because I don't want to know what he's thinking.

"Gerrick?" He asks lightly.

His gentle, confused tone is enough to get me to slowly lift my head and glance at him quickly, "Yeah..."

It remains completely silent for a few moments. Then I hear it, and my heart sinks.

"What are you doing here?"

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An uncomfortable silence hangs as I do not reply. Why am I here? A small piece of me hopes I might be allowed to stay here, to rejoin the life I once has. Being realistic, I had nowhere else to go. This conversation might be the difference between sleeping on the streets tonight.

"I'm not sure," I answer truthfully, shoulders hunched, picking at the grass.

Another moment of silence passes and I feel my chest tighten. This was stupid.

"I mean, how are you here?" I hear the hesitation is his voice, but I don't look back up at him.

"I was released this morning, I'm not here for anything bad, I just, don't really know where else to go," I grumble out, annoyed that I even bothered. 

I hear a sigh come from Sonnet, "I know you were released, but how did you get here? You didn't call anyone so we assumed you fled."

They assumed I fled? My heartrate increases at this statement. Fled? Fled where?

"You knew I was- I mean, no... I didn't have a phone," I pause, "or... money. I don't have anything except what I'm wearing." Not wanting pity while not wanting to be turned away was a torturous mix. Why did I even bother telling the truth? Everyone's lives would have gone on like normal.

It takes me a minute to realize he has come closer, "Come in."

My head shoots up, eyes wide with shock, "What?" I glance nervously up at the house, "I don't know if that's a good idea."

And it probably wasn't. I was decently sure I was hated more than I was missed. Those who missed me were likely the ones who barely remembered me, like the kids. Those who hated me... well, wanted to see me put away for good. I don't imagine open arms past the threshold.

He shakes his head at me, "Then why did you come here?"

I don't answer this question, just gaze at him as he nods towards the house in invitation. I stand up with thoughts racing. He's right, of course. It's not like I haven't been asking myself the same exact question. Was I even ready for this? 

Despite my inner turmoil, my feet follow the direction of the driveway up to the front porch; I feel so unsure of myself. I haven't felt this way for almost a year, a dangerous mix of anxiety and hope. My chest is barely keeping even-sounding breaths at this point. It's too much too fast, but then I recognize the entryway hall that leads to the living room. My mind stills for a moment, standing as straight as my body will allow. The walls are a different color now. The bright blue has been monotonized and covered in a pale white. Though it isn't enough to stop the invasion of memories.

'I desperately claw at the limbs grabbing onto me, thrashing around, attempting to get loose.

"Let me go! Leave me alone," I sob desperately.

"Ha! Pathetic. Stand up, we're leaving," Jackson laughs maliciously in my face.

"No! P-please!" I beg, crying shamelessly.