Begin Again • h.s.

40 • What Does It Feel Like?

Harry's POV
As soon as Felicity didn't see us. Daniel tighten his grip on my arm and we get outside the restaurant "What the fuck are you doing here?" He questioned and I crossed my arms "I should be asking you the same thing" I snapped and he rolled his eyes in annoyance

"I'm not fooling around, Styles." He pointed his finger at me,which earned a chuckled escape my mouth "I'm here to take my girlfriend on a date" It's true. You all guys know that I'm still Felicity's boyfriend.... Reason why I did this date cause today is our anniversary...

"She's not your girlfriend" He angrily told me and I mock what he said "Can't you stop being so immature? Can't you just take the fact that I'm still Felicity's boyfriend?" I growled at him,and he was silent. The cold air hits us which made me shiver a bit.

"Are you?" He ask. He was running out of what to say... "Yes. She's so close to remembering me. She has dreams about us.... And if in that moment she remembers everything... Everything will me back to normal and we can go on with our lives...." I told and he just sighs and run his finger through his hair

"She's mine" He snapped and I shake my head "Leave her alone. Styles. Her family doesn't want you" He growled at me... And I frowned "It doesn't matter if her family hates me and still thinks I'm a monster... All that matters is that she's alive. And is still here in my life" I said and I sigh

"You wasting my time,Daniel" I added and he mocks me "I swear she'll end up with me" was the last thing he said and get back inside. I also went inside to see Felicity already eating " Hey you didn't wait for me" I pouted as I sat down and she chuckled

"Sorry I got hungry" She smiled at me and I started eating "What did you and Daniel talked about?" She ask,drinking her red wine. Think of a lie Harry. Quick! "Um... About the dinner he's inviting me.... He invited me and my mom for dinner at his place tomorrow night" I lied and she nods her head

That was a close one.

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After dinner we decided to have a little stroll in the park. It was quiet and cold. The crickets can be heard... And the park is so empty. Eventually Felicity is laughing at my corniest joke. Which is true. It's corny.

"Harry,you such a dork. Honestly." She patted my back,and I chuckled. I put my hands inside the pocket of my black coat. Trying to let the coat warm my cold hands "It's really cold out here tonight" She muttered,hugging herself as the cold breezy air hits us

I smiled at her and removed my coat. I then put it on her shoulders and she looked at me in surprised "Never worn a coat before?" I joked and she laughed and shakes her head. Funny. Cause this moment happened back then....

"No. It's that... You didn't have to give me your coat... It's yours and you look really cold more than me" She protest and I shake my head telling her it's fine "Felicity. It's fine. You need it more than I do... Besides your wearing a sleeveless dress.. And I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt.... Basically you really need it more than I do" I defend. Hoping she'll finally say yes and wear the coat

"Alright. Fine." She surrenders,earning a chuckle from both of us. There was an awkward silence after that. And I know I need to break that awkwardness,but she was the first one to broke the awkwardness "What a wonderful night it is today..." She simply said looking at the sky with thousands of stars everywhere

"I know... Beautiful" I whisper "I wish it was like this. You know..." She added and I look down from her, since was staring at the night sky. And suddenly her smile somewhat faded so quickly...

"If I didn't have an amnesia... Your life. And my life. Would be normal... I mean... I felt really bad for you cause.. I know that your really really hurt to what's happening right now... The fact that I can't remember what we really had..." She paused for a moment

And it struck me. No matter how many times I told myself that everything is fine. It was never fine.... Yes she's still alive. She's breathing. She's here next to me. Talking to me. But I could stop remembering the time we had that car accident.

It's clearly my fault. Everything. I caused her to have that stupid amnesia. It was me. I was so damn hurt even till now. I know everyone needs to move on,on something but the point is.... I can't. Cause it's my fault. Who can't move on with that?

"Harry? What does it feel like?" She questioned me,snapping me out of my deep thoughts. What does it feel like?... "Mostly... I was so damned hurt" I honestly told,a sigh escaped my mouth

"It's like I'm living in hell even till now..." I added,with a pinch in my heart. I'm not gonna cry... Well... I never cried in front of Felicity... Probably when watching a sad movie... But it's not included. I mean cry for real... Because of heartbreaks.... The pain that I felt for a long time. The times I felt like I was a monster to Felicity's family...

"Why would you say that?" She asked.

"It's clearly my fault. Felicity. Even if my family told me that it was a damn accident. It was cause by me. I was the one why are you in this position. Why I'm feeling hurt right now. It was all me..." I whisper in the end, looking down on my shoes. Yes. I'm clearly blaming myself for this.... I mean I was the one right? Who caused it?

"It's like... You family thinks I'm a monster. Like they wanted me to stay away from you as possible... But I can't. I can't do that" I added. You are not crying right now Harry. Don't you dare cry...

I said to myself "Harry.. Don't think of that" She stop from walking,holding my shoulder "Felicity.... I can't stop remembering what happened to us... The accident... The loss... Everything... It keep replying in my head like a broken record..." I sadly told her

I just wanna hug her right now. I need it. She always hugs me when I'm sad or hurt. I hope she does it again, "Harry... Stop hurting yourself please... I can't stand to see you this way" She tilt my chin up and that's when she hug me

A tear rolls down my face as I finally get to hug her,even if I hug her before... But this time she means it "I'm so sorry,Felicity" I whispered in her ear and she hush me. "No,Harry you don't need to apologize. Alright?" She let go our hug,which I really miss already...

She held both of my hands and she smiled at me "Don't let it bother you Harry... Everything... I mean literally everything... Your only hurting yourself because of this..." She told me and I nod my head and she smiled. Her blue eyes that I really admire... Shines like stars at the sky.

"I'm really glad your still here Felicity..." I told her and she giggle and sigh "You too Harry... Now... Shall we go home?" She asked me and I chuckled

"We shall. Go home. Mademoiselle."