Have you ever been in the friend zone? Not the kind of friend zone that you can get out of; the kind that you're stuck in.
Forever.
The friend zone is a terrible place to be. And I mean terrible. Trust me, I know. I've been in the friend zone for about seven years now, with the same person. And that person is my best friend.
His name is Phil Lester.
I'm his best friend, flat mate, and YouTube partner, Dan Howell. Sadly, I'm only ever going to be his best friend. Nothing more than that. And you know why?
He loves someone else.
His name is PJ. He's beautiful. brown hair, green eyes, a good figure, and best of all, not me. He's got him hooked. He's been in love with him for a while now, but he isn't right for him. At least I don't think so. I think that I'm right for him.
But that's just wishful thinking. Of course I wouldn't ever have a chance. Hell, if nothing has happened for seven years, I'm basically done for.
I've tried moving on. God, have I tried. I've gone on dates with countless men, countless women, but nobody could ever compare to Phil. Not in a million years.
As I thought about how hopeless it was to even imagine Phil loving me the way I loved him, I heard the front door unlock. Oh, look, I the love of my life was home from his date with PJ. I put on my best happy face and hurried to open my laptop to make it seem like I wasn't just staring blankly at a wall with a sad expression on my face for about three hours.
"Dan! I'm home! And I have neeeews! " I heard Phil call. Hearing his happy voice made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.
"What's that?"
Of course, I got hopeful, and different scenarios played through my head.
I broke up with PJ. I don't love him. I love you.
I realized that I was in love with you today! Isn't that great?
Do you love me like I love you? I want to be with you forever.
Stupid me. Like anything near those silly thoughts in my head really happen. As soon as Phil walked out to the lounge and sat down next to me, he grinned.
"PJ proposed!"
There went my heart.
Phil had no idea, but he had just ripped me heart out of my chest, threw it onto the ground, and stomped on it until it was completely smushed.
"That's great! Did you say yes?" Fuck my life.
"Yes! We're getting married in six months!"
Oh God.
~~
Six months of agonizing torture passed, and I watched as Phil packed his things every day to move into his brand new house with PJ. I even helped him carry boxes. With every moment, I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into this bottomless pit of despair.
It was the day of the wedding. I was Phil's best man. As I fastened the tie of the tuxedo that I had to wear, I felt as if I was dying. My heart, my soul, was broken. There was not even a sliver of hope for me. Not anymore. This was it.
I took a deep breath before walking out to the aisle, making my way down it to stand in the place where I needed to stand.
The music played. Everyone but me was happy. Phil was about to come out. God, this was terrible.
As soon as I saw him, I nearly lost it. He walked down the aisle with the biggest smile on his face, eyes connected to PJ, who had already come to the altar. For a moment, Phil's eyes flickered towards me, and I gave him a broken smile.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I had died then and there. He was perfect, as always, but this time, he was leaving forever.
Phil stood at the altar with PJ, hand-in-hand. The priest said his lines, and as soon as he said "blahblahblah speak now or forever hold your peace," I felt two words leave my mouth.
"I object. "
There was a chorus of gasps, and Phil turned to look at me with wide eyes, as did PJ.
"What are you talking about, Dan?" Phil asked me.
"I can't let you get married without you knowing how I feel. " There was no going back now. I said it. I was ready to face the consequences. "Phil, I've been in love with you since the day we first spoke. In these seven years, I've never fallen any less in love with you. In fact, I fall in love with you more every day. And it kills me to see you with someone else, but you're happy. And that's all that matters. I love you. I know you don't feel the same, but that's okay. I've accepted it. "
"I-I love you too." Phil's words shocked me, and I felt an unexplainable amount of happiness.
...
"You may kiss your husband!"
I was snapped out of my fantasy of telling Phil how I really felt and watched as the love of my life kissed his new husband. And that husband wasn't me.
I was forever in the friend zone. And there was definitely no getting out of it.
Ever.
