It was the day.
October 20th, 2022.
This was the day Dan and I were supposed to be married.
At least, if he actually walked down the aisle after I did and went through with it.
I was as -if not more- nervous than I was back in 2009, when I first met him in person. Panicky thoughts whirled through my mind. What if he didn't show? What if he decided against marrying me and left the wedding? What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he stops loving me when we get married? Oh God...
My brother Martyn, who was my Best Man, noticed my obvious stress.
"Phil, it'll be fine. He's not going to leave you at the altar. Trust me, Dan loves you more than anything. Now, get up there! Everyone is waiting."
I took a shaky breath, gulping before I opened the doors and began to walk. Everyone stood, and my parents beamed at me from the front row.
Oh my God, this was actually happening. I had been dreaming this for years and it was actually happening. I was internally screaming, and was ready to pass out any moment from this anxiety.
Here we go. Come on Phil, don't lose it.
Music played, and everyone had already taken their places at the altar.
Other than Dan.
He was supposed to be the last one to come out after me, but I couldn't help but worry about him not showing up. What if he decided against this whole thing?
I walked down the aisle, everyone already standing. My family beamed at me from the front row, and I gave them a nervous smile as I walked. As soon as I made it to stand in place in front of the priest, I took a big inhalation of breath and waited for the love of my life to walk down after me.
As soon as I saw that beautiful dimpled dork walk in and give me a cheeky smile, I felt a huge sigh of relief leave me. He didn't back out. He was coming towards me and it took me everything not to run to him and jump into his arms.
I was trying so hard not to cry, but dammit, my eyes watered. Dan stood in front of me, and we were face-to-face, him giving me that adorable smile of his as he reached out to brush away a stray tear that had escaped down my cheek.
The priest began, and it was time for us to recite our vows. Oh God. Here goes nothing, right?
"Dan, I've been in love with you since I first talked to you on Twitter. I've been in love with you for over ten years and I don't think that's going to change any time soon. The moment I met you and every moment after has been the best time of my life and I never want this to end. I am so glad to spend forever with you. I'll never leave your side and I hope that you'll never leave mine. "
Dan was better at holding back tears than me, but his eyes still watered.
"Phil, you've been my rock since I watched your first video on YouTube. Remember when you played with those Tarot cards and they said you'd meet someone who would change your life? At the time, I had no idea it would really be me. I hoped and I hoped, but I never imagined it to be true. I lay awake at night and think about how it was me. And I'm so glad that my stalking you turned out good. I love you more than anything, Phil. I want to spend eternity with you. I will be with you. Always. "
After we said our vows, the priest continued speaking, but I wasn't really listening. Instead, I stared intently at Dan as we put on each other's rings and said "I do."
The only part I really heart from that guy was, "You may now kiss your husband, Mr. and Mr. Howlter!"
As soon as the words left that man's mouth, I reached out for Dan and kissed him. I had kissed Dan many times, but this was different. He was mine forever, and I was his. We had just solidified that.
The audience cheered, and we looked at our friends Chris and PJ, who were filming the whole thing, and grinned. They handed us the cameras, and we looked at each other and pointed the lenses at one another.
"Guess who I just married!" we said in unison, and shared laugher.
This was the first day to the rest of my life, and I was ready to live every moment of it.
