Death Of A Bachelor | Jaspar One-Shot Collection

2. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

Song: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

Summary: Joe decides to get really drunk in Vegas after breaking up with his ex, only to wake up in bed next to one of the most famous people in the business of acting, Caspar Lee, with a ring on his finger. (Or, the classic "we got married in Vegas while drunk holy fuck what do we do" story).

Words: 12,128

Warnings: drinking, divorce, getting married while drunk, mentions of sex while drunk

Author's Note: actor!Caspar can I get a fuck yes?? I'm so hyped for these one shots you don't even KNOW. Also, this chapter has no smut but the last one did. If you can't see it, maybe try following me?? Idk how smut rules work, last time it got completed deleted in BS soz. I think there's a spoiler for my other story in here :// I don't see why ppl would care tho lol (also this one shot is way worse than my last one lolz) P.S: i don't know shit about marriage rules but i don't really care lol this is called AU for a reason js P.P.S: this is way worse than the first one. Hallelujah is gonna set ur screen on fire tho no mixtape will be better than that (please don't roast me for trying teen slang im just trying to be hip)

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After swallowing his fifth shot of the night, Joe slammed it onto the table of the bar, chest heaving as he gave a silent burp and signaled the bartender to get him another shot. The man just took the shot and gave the small twenty five year old an odd look, wondering if he would get in trouble for giving so much alcohol to a person who looked about ten years old. He just filled it up again (and another one, as back up) and slid it over to the Brit, who gulped it down immediately.

The brunet knew he was going to have a terrible morning. Joe was going to spend it hunched over the toilet, vomiting - wishing he was more dead than alive. He would spend it swallowing more Advil pain pills than he should, gulping it down with water as he curled up on the couch. He would still watch T.V even if the throbbing in his head told him not to - begged him not to. Then he would call Will over and complain to him, only to get a lecture on alcohol abuse. It wasn't anything new to him. Hell, it was practically a daily routine for him.

It's been seven days since Ethan broke up with him. Seven. Mother. Fucking. Days. And yet, Joe noticed, he still was trying to fill that empty hole in heart with vodka and any other drinks the bar had up for grabs.

You're a child, Joe, Ethan had told him that day. It was a good day, until it happened. Joe had just got his paycheck from YouTube, and his 100,000 subscribe plaque had just came in. You can't just spend your whole life speaking into a camera. And I hate the way your fans pester me, ever since you tagged me in that Valentine's day photo. I'm sorry, Joe. I really like you, but, your lifestyle just isn't for me. I'm sorry.

Joe chuckled out loud to himself, taking the shot and drowning it quickly. He always promised himself that he would never cry over a boy who dumped him.

"If a boy doesn't like you for you," his mother told him when he got his first boyfriend, standing at the sink and scrubbing away at a dirty plate; her head turned over her shoulder and looking at her youngest, who was sitting at the dining table. "Don't date him. You deserve somebody who likes you for you, not somebody who doesn't understand or like the way you act. And if a boy ever breaks up with you because of it - don't waste your tears on him. He isn't worth it."

He took that advice quite literally; always being the one to get over a breakup very quickly if his boyfriend didn't like the way he lived his life. Joe exited the relationship with his head held high, repeating what his mother told him over and over in his head. Why he would break the streak of not caring now, he couldn't understand.