Comebacks, jokes, insults

Comebacks

here are some awsome ways to put people in their place

"Haha, you failed!"
"Yeah, so did your dad's condom."

Kickass (2694) Lame (322)  

My friend: Your dick is probaly like a tic tac
Me: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh
Class: OOOOHHHHHH!!!

Kickass (2487) Lame (321)  

Mom: Go clean your room!
Me: But its MY room.
Mom: And this is MY house.
Me: Then you go clean it.

Kickass (1974) Lame (423)  

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.

Kickass (1938) Lame (479)  

I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep." Bitch you need to hibernate.

Kickass (1808) Lame (368)  

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson?
Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

Kickass (1775) Lame (396)  

Say addicted after everything I say.
drugs.
"addicted"
alcohol. 
"addicted" 
What hit you in the face last night? 
"A dick did" 
hahahaha
"f**k you"

Kickass (1679) Lame (451)  

Me: "Dude, I got my first kiss!"
Friend: "Your mom doesnt count."
me: "Ya, but yours does."

Kickass (1485) Lame (306)  

Police: Where do u live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With Me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.
Police: Tell Me!
Me: Next to my house!

Kickass (1343) Lame (173)  

Bully - "Hey fat ass. Why you so fat?"
Fat kid - "Because every time I f*ck ya mother she give me a cookie."

Kickass (1424) Lame (268)  

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: I'm late?
Teacher: You missed an entire period. 
Student: Are you telling me I'm pregnant?

Kickass (1345) Lame (357)  

Student: "would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "of course not."
Student: "good cause, I didn't do my homework..."

Kickass (1190) Lame (227)  

Girlfriend: Hey, let's go to the zoo 
Boy: But babe, I'm not ready to meet your family yet

Kickass (1320) Lame (385)  

blonde: I'm pregnant again... there must be something in the air!
brunette: yeah... your legs.

Kickass (1147) Lame (332)  

girl: im so hot
me: bitch please, i could wipe ur beauty off with a tissue.
girl: go ahead then
me: get me one from ur bra

Kickass (1034) Lame (254)  

Ennie meanie miney mo, 
you're nothing but a hoe, 
you think your cute, you think your classy, 
reality check your just trashy.

Kickass (1266) Lame (551)  

Teacher: Why are you here so early?
Student: Because my mom told me to go to Hell...

Kickass (730) Lame (135)  

So this asshole in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 50 times more girls than you do, haha."
I replied, "50 x 0 = 0."
That shut the fucker up.

Kickass (696) Lame (126)  

Boy: Hi. 
Girl: I have a boyfriend. 
Boy: I said hi, not suck my dick.

Kickass (446) Lame (93)  

Them: Bitch.
You: call me a b*tch again i dare you.
Them: Bitch
You: That's right b*tches do what their told.

 thx to jokes4us.com 

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