Here and Now

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

l looked over myself in the mirror. My denim shorts falling a few inches above my knee and my flowy tank laying against my body. My blonde hair curled and the front strands pinned with a bow. Just because I'm not my old self doesn't mean I could still look nice. I walked away from the mirror and towards my dresser, applying a small amount of lip gloss before walking up the stairs. I always left before my parents for church, to pick out songs for praise and worship that night. On Wednesday nights, each age group went their desperate ways, my youth group had their own praise and worship team and I was on it. I actually lead most of the songs. So I was in charge of choosing all of the songs and setting everything up. So I hopped in my jeep wrangler and went on my way.

Once I got to the large building, I parked as far away from it as I could, knowing I'm one of the first here and one of the last to leave. I hopped out and started walking towards the door when a car swerved into the parking lot and parked messily I'm the row in front of me. I stopped to try and identify the car but nothing popped up until a tall brunette leaped out of the car and started jogging towards me. I decided I would use my ignoring tactic and just keep walking.

"Hey! Hey! You've been avoiding me since Monday." Rome said confused. I just shrugged and try to start walking again but his grip on my arm tightened and pulled me back. "I thought we got over this. I-I mean we talked and we laughed and..." He trailed off trying to search my face for any sign. I stared to shrug again. "No. Don't shrug again. Tell me what happened. What did I do?"

"Nothing happened, you didn't do anything." I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me pack, once again. I yanked my arm free.

"That's not a good enough answer. Like, I just want to talk to you. I want you to not ignore me." He said, passionately.

"Look," I relented, "you didn't do anything, what made me avoid you again was purely my fault. I think we should just not talk and just act like strangers again. Okay?"

"No." He stated plainly as if I asked him if he wanted a sandwich. I sighed exasperatedly. "Why are you trying to avoid me again?" My heart stopped. I shook my head and started to walk away but once again he reached out his hand and grabbed me arm and pulled me back towards him. This time a little closer than before. A little too close. "CJ, please. I at least deserve to know. And I'm not letting you go until you tell me."

I fought with myself. I didn't want to tell him. No body knew. Why should he be the first? I knew though that he was serious, and he wouldn't let me go so I pushed out a vague answer. "You," I paused. "You remind me of someone." I rushed, trying to pull away.

"You hate me because I remind you of someone? Did that someone do something to you? What did they do? I would never do it." I let out an abrupt laugh. "Im not that person. I would never do whatever they did to you."

"You would never die?" I lashed, his comment triggered something and I couldn't hold back. I'm usually calm and controlled, I know every word that comes out of my mouth but just like word vomit, these words spew before I could even think. I froze in his arms and so did he. We were both frozen, unmoving. He stared at me with his mouth agape, and eyes wide. We were only about 6 inches away from eachother as he gripped my arms but neither of us could move, both equally surprised by my words. He soon snapped out of his surprise and loosened his grip on me slightly but never let me go. I slowly took a step back, out of him arms but didn't move to far. I just stared at him. I started comparing every detail, every action. They were almost exactly the same. Jake studied me as well, but for something different.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. I only nodded, looking at the ground, and then back at him. I knew he wanted to ask more questions but he wisely realized he pushed he had reached his limit, with me, for the day. He just stared at me, trying to figure out what I was thinking, and well just trying to figure me out. I could tell I made no sense to him. I wasn't falling at his feet, infact I was running away from him. And on top of that, I held secrets from my best friends here, and I knew that he was well aware of that. He knew that the information I had just spewed in my moment of anger, was information only he knew. And he could have reveled in it and felt proud, but instead he turned away from me and started walking towards the building. I tilted my head at his walking figure, wondering what the crap he was doing. Suddenly, he turned around and called over his shoulder, "Are you coming?"