Here and Now

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I wasn't one to overreact, but that dinner may have sent me over the freaking out edge. I rushed around my house cleaning everything in sight. For 4 hours straight I dusted, and cleaned, and swept, and mopped, and did anything to keep my mind off of any thoughts is Roman and his family. I didn't want to be apart of a family like that. I didn't want to even speak to a family like that. Why? Because they were so kind. They were entertaining and funny. They ate amazing food and welcomed me in. Why wouldn't I want to spend time with a family like that?

I know my logic is all wrong. I had a 1 way ticket on the coo coo train. Everyone and their dog would love to spend time with a family like that. But they were too good to be true. I know that kind of family. Everything in their life is perfect until one day it's not.Something awful happens and nothing is ever the same. I was apart of that family. The family who ate dinner together and who told jokes and asked about each others life.

I hate it. I couldn't help but feel some kind of resentment to their amazing dinner. My own problems had shadowed over this families time together. I had always been a runner, and running out of that house that night was just another one of Caitlin's epic escapes. Half way through dinner the unthinkable happened. They tried to talk to me. I mean they had been trying to talk to me the whole diner but I made it difficult by giving them half answers. Okay, maybe I am one to overreact but this was a big deal! Any ways, they had been speaking to me the whole dinner but half way through, his mom decided to start in with the deep questions.

"Caitlin," I cringed. Roman had introduced me as Caitlin to his parents and I was not okay with it, yet it would feel weird for his parents to call me CJ. "Rome tells me that you have a lovely family, do you think we could all get together sometime and have dinner?" No.

"Mom, maybe we should hold off on that." Roman said, trying to salvage the disastrous dinner and my feelings.

His mother's face didn't even drop the slightest. "Oh okay, well whenever it is... How many should we plan for? Do you have any siblings?" I felt my breath catch. No, I had no siblings. I was the only one. I'm by myself. I heard Roman begin telling his mother I was an only child as I slipped into my own thoughts.

But I wasn't an only child.

How do you explain that to someone? I am the only one but I'm not an only child. I felt myself stand and rush towards the nearest bathroom that Roman had pointed out earlier in the evening. Roman grabbed at my arm once I had made it to the hallway where the bathroom was. "Cait, what's wrong? I know that this isn't ideal and I know you don't want that group dinner but-"

"No, Roman I'm so sorry this is all me. Your family probably thinks I'm awful. I should go home. I don't talk much they won't notice I'm gone. It will probably be way less awkward. Take me home." I pleaded.

He stared at me for a long time. It felt like years. He just nodded at me and turned around towards the door. I distantly heard him tell his family that I wasn't feeling too well and that he was taking me home.

The car ride was painful and quiet. I feel like something bad always happened in that car. If only I had been a little more sane and not so scared of everything yet at the same time fearless... Maybe I could be the girl who sits at their table and answers all of their questions. But I'm not. So as I sat there in front of my house in Roman's car I knew I needed to make sure I apologized. I had just ruined his family dinner.

"I'm sorry that I ruined your dinner, and please tell your parents I said thanks for the meal." I said hoarsely.

"You didn't eat."

"What?" My stomach dropped. I didn't eat?

He turned towards me. "You didn't touch your food. You barely ate lunch." My mouth opened and closed like a fish.