The Kids Of War And Peace

9. Mutual

I walked into my room and Gerard was drawing still. I walked over to him and Gerard looked at me. I glanced at his drawing, it was of me. I was rather surprised how detailed it was, it was a drawing of me, from what he saw of me in the bathroom. My chest, the water at my waist, and my soaking wet hair and a sloppy smile on my face. He watched my eyes travel along the drawing paper.

“What you think?” Gerard asked with a raised eyebrow.

“This is pretty good.” I told him. I sat down in the seat I had beside the desk. He smiled slightly. “You drew that from your own memory, right?” I asked. Gerard nodded. “Really, Gerard. You should think about selling your artwork.” I said, Gerard looked at me and shook his head. I looked up at the drawings I had let him tack up on the walls. Some were so beautiful, some were so morbid, but it was just amazing. To see this skill that came from his mind. One that caught my eye, that was dated from two days ago. The day he started acting super weird. It was a drawing of some kind of twisted depiction of himself.

In the drawing, Gerard had half of his face down perfectly, but the other half was different, more of a twisted look, some skin was thinner against his face, some was even lacking, the flesh decaying around his mouth leaving some of his teeth showing through the thin flesh. I touched his shoulder and his eyes followed mine up to the drawing.

“Can you tell me about this one?” I asked. Gerard sighed and shrugged.

“I dream of me like that. Dying.” Gerard said.

“Why do you dream about that?” I asked.

“Immortality means never dying, right? But we were wrong. No one is immortal.” Gerard said clearly. I looked at him with a bit of wide eyes. Gerard looked at me and chewed his lip. “I hear that in dream. Just as die.” Gerard said. I touched his damp hair and he leaned into my hand.

“Are you saying you think you’re going to die soon?” I asked. Gerard shook his head, he looked up at me with those thick black eyelashes. “You know, sometimes dreams are telling you something.” I said.

“I no die yet. I not complete life yet.” Gerard said. I tilted my head, somewhat confused. “I have things I want to do. I not do them yet, I no die yet without it.” Gerard told me. I sighed slightly and he turned to face me. He touched my split lip and sighed. I looked at the stitches on his arms, I felt so bad about that, but Gerard didn’t seem to feel the pain anymore. I looked at him.

“What do you want to do in your life?” I asked. Gerard sighed and licked his lips.

“I want to find person for me.” Gerard said. I was surprised how stuck on him finding someone to love was important to him. I hated to think that he felt like no one would love him. I knew that he’d never believe that there was already someone who had feelings for him. Someone who had feelings for him was me, he wouldn’t believe that.

“Gerard…” I said. Gerard shrugged.

“I not normal. I not normal at all, so no one for me.” Gerard said, he turned in his chair and faced me. I took a handful of his hair and moved closer to him, almost leaning onto his lap. Our faces were inches apart and he was looking at me with a blank expression. I kissed him.

I kissed Gerard, but this lips didn’t return the motion, I was pretty sure that he wouldn’t know how to kiss and well this was probably his first kiss. The kiss only lasted a mere seconds and I pulled away, my fingers still in his hair, his hazel eyes were wide and on me. “Gerard…I like you, okay?” I said. I looked into his eyes and his hands fell from the desk and onto his lap, his fingers twitching.

“Friends not do that.” Gerard whispered. I frowned a little.

“I know I told you that. But…I like you, Gerard. I like you more than a friend, I don’t’ know if you understand me right now…but I have these feelings for you. Feelings that are stronger than friendship.” I said. Gerard nodded, interested in what I had to say. “I don’t know if you understand feelings like that, or even feel the same. Plus…I’m a guy.” I told him.

“Flag.” Gerard said, he pointed at the gay-pride flag up in my corner. I looked over at it. “I like.” Gerard said nervously.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I like guys.” Gerard said. He reached up and touched my cheek, he smiled at me. “I like…you.” Gerard said.

“I like you.” I told him. Gerard smiled, his tiny teeth showing in a serious smile. He pulled me closer and hugged me tightly. Mikey knocked on the door and walked in.

“Gerard, guess what!” Mikey said, not really giving a response to our hugging. “I spoke to Mrs. Iero, and she said it was okay. Zach is coming over tomorrow.” Mikey said. Gerard froze up and his fingers dug into my back. “He’s happy that he’s gunna see us both. He said he misses us.” Mikey said with a smile.

“That’s good to hear.” I said forcing a happy voice. Gerard hid his face. Mikey grinned and went down the hall. Gerard gripped my shirt even tighter. “It’ll be okay.” I whispered in his ear. “I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe. I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine, remember?” I asked. Gerard nodded slightly.