An Unexpected Lover (Phan-Fiction)

Chaper 4: Phil Lester

IMPORTANT: YOU CAN READ THE REST OF THE STORY ON THE ACCOUNT OF ROSALIEJUNKOVA! THE CHAPTERS 1-3 ARE OJN THE SAME ACCOUNT!

I am feeling bad. So terrible bad, but I just can't talk about my feelings to Dan. I don't know where it is coming from. The only think I know is that Dan has to do something with it. But what Dan just said to me... I should only feel sadness or guild, but something deep inside me is happy. It's happy, because Dan just told me that he cared so much about me that he gets angry if I don't let him help me. He cares about me... Dan Howell cares about me... And I care about him. I have hurt him and I need to let him feel better. I really don't want to talk about my feelings, I mean; how do I need to begin? "Yeah, Dan, you wanted to know when I am having that akward feeling, right? Well, it's everytime back when I want to do something with you, but you say you don't want to do it. Oh, I also feel it when you touch me or come too close." Ok, that 'coming-close-thing' isn't so strange to tell him, but the rest? Dan will officially call me crazy or will take his distance. And I don't want that! So if I want to avoid such a thing, I can only do one thing; I need to lie against my best friend...

I knock on Dan's door and hear his footsteps coming closer. "What?" he says when he opens the door. "I know when I am feeling that akward feeling. I wanted to tell you..."  Dan is looking deep into my eyes and is probably trying to find out what I am trying to tell him. "I want to talk about it," I say. "How do I know you will tell me the truth?" "I haven't got evidence, but you have to trust me..." I am feeling even worse than just a few minutes ago. I don't need to do this. I don't have to lie. I can tell him the truth and I should excapt the consequences... But I am a coward. I haven't got the guts to tell the truth. And I am a horrible liar. I even don't know what I can tell him... Dan steps aside so I can walk in. I sit on his bed and stare to the floor. Than I stare to the ceiling. The wall. The wardrobe. I look to everything, except of Dan's eyes. I am so scared he will see that I am lying... "Okay," says Dan. "Promise me that you will answer every question." "I promise that I will answer every questio  you have got, Dan." "Why do you have that akward feeling?" "I don't know. It's not that I don't want to tell you about it, but I just really don't now why I am feeling that way." "Do you know when you had got the akward feeling?" "I felt it when I was walking outside." A lie. "I also felt it when I was walking to the gamestore. When I had to bring back that horror game, remember?" That wasn't a lie. I had an akward feeling when I was walking to the gamestore. But that was because I was thinking of Dan... "You were acting weird when we both try to pick up the Mario Kart game. Why was that?" Oh no, how can I explain that? "Ehm... I don't know..." A lie. I know excactly why I was blushing; we touched. Softly... "Are you lying against me?" I don't know how to react to this question and I am just staring to the ground. "Phil, I can't believe you have lied against me! Why? You know you don't have to! Even if you would have killed someone I wouldn't think different about you..." "Dan, I lied about just a couple things, but the most was true... And I need to think about what happend today. I don't know how long it will take me, but if I am ready to give you honest answers, I'll give you them. Promised." Again a lie. I didn't lie about the part that I need to think about today, but I have got an idea why I am feeling this way... I walk outside Dan's room, towards mine and think about my idea. When I am in my room and lay on my bed I am sure about it. First I wanted Dan to be my perfect best friend. Now I want him to be my boyfriend.