Emails to my Deadbeat dad ✔

Email #12

Dad,
So it turns out you don't want to know me after all.. You don't want to know me with my mum there and when my mums been trying to contact you.. You've been ringing the police up.. So the police asked her to stop contacting you otherwise your gonna do her for Harrasment..

I've only seen you 4/5 times in my life. Once when I was around 13. Then when I was 14 Twice. Then when I was around 17. And in all that time I had one birthday card from you.

I'm 22 now and I still think about you.. I recently lost a friend of mine.. I told her all about you.. We had a connection me and my friend.. That's what her family don't understand.. Apparently I don't have the right to grieve because I only knew her 5mins. She understood me though..

When I was around 14/15.. I got run over by a motorbike and I told my friend some days I feel so depressed any everyone always makes me feel bad to the point I wish I died that day..

I keep imagining that one day we will have a happy ending and maybe one day I'll get married and you and the boys will be there.

But I can't see that happening anymore.. It's got to the point that the next time I see you will most probably be your funeral.. Even then I don't know you so.. I feel like I won't even have the right to be there.

Why?. Because the boys have known you all their lives up until they were 11 and 14/15. I only had you for a Year and then you kept coming in and out of my life like a boomerang.

I don't even know why I bother anymore.. What you did to my mum crosses a line and there can be no coming back from that.

You wanted me to hate you? You succeeded so well done Dad.. You've abandoned me and and you abandoned your other kids.

I had a very emotional conversation with your eldest son. I felt like I had to tell him the truth.. He said he hadn't heard from you..

You know what happened?.

Your son cried.. The entire Facebook conversation. His mum came on Facebook and asked me not to talk to him anymore as they don't have anything to do with you anymore since you left.

So I'm thinking.. She didn't kick you out.. You left off your own back.. And you only came to see me on my birthday with that card because my mum contacted you.. It was most certainly not off your own back!.

I texted their mum and said "No pressure and all that but can we sort something out so I can see the boys?."

She said "yeah sure tell me when and where."

I texted back "Only if the boys what to know me.. I don't want to pressure them as they are quite young... I'm not that kind of person.. "

She never replied after that..

You left because you hate both the mothers of the kids didn't you?.. Your just leaving me to assume things instead of telling me your side of the story and proving me wrong.

I'm trying to move on but your leaving me in this never ending time loop because you never give me any answers.. I've not had one birthday text since I last saw you or one email or text asking how I am.. Since you last emailed that you don't want to see me if my mums there.

I've had enough of this.. So this is me drawing a line under it.. I hate the fact your on my birth certificate.. My step dad is more than a dad you'll ever be..

I needed you in the dark times even if I had my step dad already there.. That's what you said.. I'm okay because I have a step dad now..

I never expected you to be a dad and help me with my disability on a day to day basis to give my mum a break.. I just expected you to be there and I could go around your house to have a natter and a break from my mum.. Too off load when I needed to.

So I ask.. Where were you when I needed you?.. And if your not cut out to be a father why did you have kids?.

I'm done.
-Yola
P.s when I have kids (If I do anyway) I won't bother telling them about you.. My step dad can step up the role of being a grandfather and he can give me away at my wedding.

I dread to think that you'll end up repeating history and having more kids and abandoning them.. I don't care about me anymore.. I'm more sorry that those boys are going through what I went through.. It's not fair and it's not right.. I feel like it's my fault because you left me and the rows between you and your girlfriend was about me..

So thanks for that and thanks for leaving me when I was one before I could form an emotional attachment to you and you end up leaving with me crying.. I'm glad I didn't even know you were there or that you had left..
That's the only thing you ever did right.. There's no point in going on the JeremyKyle show and having him shout at you because you'd still be the same old guy making the same old mistakes.