Alone in This World

Chapter Three

I quickly look back at the grass before I mumble the words, "If you're here to mock me, you're welcome to leave." After a few moments of silence, I assume he left and quietly sob. I only realize I'm not alone when I feel someone squeezing my shoulder. I stand up briskly and spin around to find Justin standing there with guilt painted all over his face.

"I told you to leave." I state. "Charlotte--" He starts to speak but I quickly cut him off. "I don't need your pity. Just leave, please." I say, looking at anything but him.

I can't believe he just saw all of my cuts. I'm not talking about just a few. I'm talking about ALL of my cuts, from head to toe. My cuts on my hips, my thighs, my arms, my shoulders, my legs, everywhere! And now he's gonna mock me about it with a fake compassion so he could tell everyone at the party how he fooled me again and laugh at me some more. I can't deal with it. I can't and don't wanna.

"Are.. Are those.." He winces while looking down at my arm. "B-because of me..?" He stutters. Isn't that obvious? I ask in my mind, not able to spill it out. I just stare at the ground in anger and shame. I really wish the ground would just open up right now and swallow me in.

"Charlotte." He takes a step forward but I quickly move back. "Don't." I say while gritting my teeth hard to hold the tears. "Just go. Please." I beg as a tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly look away so he won't see it. He steps forward again. This time I stay still. He lifts his hand to my face and gently grabs my cheek before wiping my tear away. "I'm sorry." He whispers huskily.

I lift my head up slowly and look at his face to see if he's just pretending or if he actually means it. When my eyes find his, I can see nothing but honesty. I almost fall for that but, luckily, memories come back to me and I push his hand away, taking a step back.

"Don't touch me." I say. "Charlotte, please. I've been looking for you for two hours just to say I'm sorry." Well, I've been cutting for three years but who cares, right?

I just bite my lips and look away. "What do you really want, Justin?" I blurt. "To make fun of my cuts? To tell me how ugly and annoying I am? Well, there's no need for that cuz I got the message the first time you told me." I say, tears are swiftly streaming down my face by now. I don't even try to stop them or even hide them. I don't care anymore. He thinks he can come here and laugh at me after he's seen all of my bruises? Well, he's way wrong.

"No, I--" "You wanted to gather some more information about me so you could make jokes about it later with the others?" I interrupt him again. "No, I just wanted to see if you're okay.." He mumbles. That really pisses me off. "You wanted to see if I'm okay?" I say while faking a chuckle. "All those years you've been bullying me and now you wanna see if I'm okay?!" I shout at him. He really passed the line.

He looks down in shame and sadness. Man, he's a good actor!

"You fucking made fun of me while I did nothing to you! NOTHING! You laughed at me while you don't even know shit about me!" I literally scream at him. I don't care if anyone hears me. I'm done giving a shit. I'm really done.

"Did you fucking know that I lost my mom when I was six?!" "I thought your mom was alive.." He mumbles, interrupting me. "No. My other mom. I'm adopted." I say stiffly. "I was alone for a whole year from the moment she died. I was wandering around foster houses and random families. The family I'm with right now was the only one who didn't give up on me." He looks down again.

"My dad fucking left my mom before I was even born. We didn't have any money at all. We even lived in the street because we were so fucking poor!" My voice doesn't stop to crack from all the sobs. "When I found out my mom had cancer, I tried anything to get help! I tried to perform in the streets, I tried to steal, I begged from strangers to give us money but no one gave a fucking shit." I feel how the anger inside me gets bigger and bigger as I memorize the stuff I never allowed myself to think of ever again.