Careful (Troyler)

Twenty-Three: Home

~Troye's POV~

Nothing. Absolutely nothing to do in this damn hospital. The past hour and a half all I've been doing is writhing around this uncomfortable bed, staring at these fluorescent lights, and thinking; overthinking, really. I miss Tyler, but I also miss my other friends. I miss them so much I can't stand it. I'm sure they're recording their YouTube videos and bonding with their friends while I can't, really, because I can't tell my story at the moment, I can't tell everyone what's really going on in my life without criticism of some sort. Either the Troyler fans will go absolutely crazy, or people will say that was "triggering" that their "role model" would try to "kill himself". First off, I shouldn't even be a role model for anyone, really. I don't even like myself, so how can someone love me enough to look up to me? Metaphorically, I'm the man, but literally, I don't know what I'd do. (haha get the reference my dudes) I will repeat this until the day everyone stops asking, I did not try to kill myself. I think people are slowly starting to believe it now, but it's getting hard to tell. A lot of the nurses still look at me like I'm some kind of wounded animal, which makes me feel weak and helpless.

It's roughly five thirty, and I'm already fucking up my thoughts. I close my eyes, inhaling through my nose. Calm down, Troye. Everything is going to be okay. Stop thinking like this; that's what got you in here in the first place. So please, for Tyler. For Zoe. For Joe. For Louise. For Caspar. For Sage. For yourself. Just chill the fuck out for once.

My eyes are still closed when a familiar voice of a nurse startles me.

"Mr. Mellet, you have a few visitors here to see you."

"Visitors?" I question with my eyes still closed "Who are they?"

"Um" the nurse chuckles "they are your friends, but that's all I'm allowed to say because they want their arrival to be a surprise."

"Oh." I frown, thinking that's probably Connor and his boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I love Connor to death, but he doesn't understand when I don't want him around. He's a big support, he's a great friend, but sometimes, I just get weird vibes from him, if that makes sense. When he found out I fell off stage, he apparently made this big announcement on Twitter that he was taking two weeks out of his schedule to come see me and hang out with me and make me feel better. It's a sweet gesture, really, but I don't want to talk to anyone other than Tyler Oakley, because he's my problem and I feel like together we could easily fix this.

"Troye" a feminine voice I quickly recognize says softly. My eyes jolt open to see a tired, grinning Zoe Sugg on the left side of my bed.

"Zoe!" I smile, reaching up to hug her, nearly pulling my IV's out.

"You look pitiful" Zoe says with a frown "come on, I'm going to fix you up."

"How? I'm bed ridden, sweetheart" I say, intently watching her grin.

"I talked to the nurses, and they said, you could go take a quick shower and clean up a little bit. I know you must feel absolutely disgusting" Zoe shakes her head.

"I do; you get me" I half smile.

"I'll be right back, a nurse is supposed to help you."

"Help me?" I question with a pout "really?"

"Hey" she grumbles "it's better than sitting on that bed in your own filth." She winks at me as she goes out, causing me to chuckle at her. She's such a dork, I've missed her so much. As she walks out, I notice what she's wearing. She's wearing a pair of black combat boots, black leggings, a burgundy and white baseball tee and a burgundy beanie. She looks adorable, but she looks absolutely exhausted. I guess her sleep schedule is so messed up.

"Alright, let's get you cleaned up" a friendly male nurse says with a smile, pulling me up in the most gentle of ways. As I strip myself of that hospital gown, I try to forget he's even in that small bathroom with me. I step into the shower, careful not to trip over my own feet.

The hot water feels so good trickling down my back and chest, I let out an awkward squeak-like moan. The nurse doesn't question it, he just stands outside of the curtain, cautiously holding onto my right wrist. I let the water pour over my dark, greasy hair. As I look at my body, I see I've lost weight being in this hospital. I suddenly begin thinking negatively about myself again. I shake my head, trying to imagine the negative thoughts going down the drain with the rest of my filth. I exhale heavily, feeling some tension release itself as well.

"Are you almost finished, sir?" the nurse questions, snapping me out of my daydream. Oh yeah, Zoe's here. I have to go back out.

"Yeah, just a second" I say, putting some shampoo and conditioner in my hands. I scrub my scalp, keeping my eyes slammed shut. As I rinse out the suds, I turn off the fosset, the room turning silent.

I step out, seeing the man looking at me with a wide smile.

"You look so much better" he smiles, handing me a towel to dry off my body with. I dry up, shaking the water out of my hair like a dog. The nurse laughs, handing me a new clean, crisp gown. I put the gown on, kind of embarrassed for Zoe to see me, now that I care about my appearance.

Eventually, I exit the bathroom with the nurse, seeing a smiling Zoe staring at me in the doorway. The nurses are putting new sheets on the hospital bed, which will be a relief.

"See? You already look so much better" she grins. She walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my small, damp body.

"I'm not the only one here to see you, you know" she whispers.

"Yeah, I'm sure Alfie wants to see me too" I chuckle, rolling my eyes. I knew she probably brought Alfie or her manager or Connor with her. After all, the nurses said there was more than one.

"Not Alfie" she grins "you'll see. Once you get settled again, they'll come in."

I look at her my eyebrows raised. Now I know it must be Connor, or maybe Joe or Caspar. But, Joe & Caspar are both very busy, so I don't think it would be them.

I sit back on the bed, getting into the fetus position I've been in the past two or three days.

"Alright, I'll go tell him to come on in" Zoe says to one of the nurses, grinning wildly. Even the nurses look excited for once, which is really out of character.

Who I see standing in that doorway is not at all who I was expecting.

"Hey, Troye Sivan" a comforting voice says with a hearty laugh. I clasp my hands over my mouth, tears pouring down my cheeks. This person is who I need right now. I just-I can't believe my comfort, my home, is standing in the doorway, smiling at me with those blue green eyes.