Careful (Troyler)

Eighteen: Alone

~Troye's POV~

After going back to sleep for an hour or so, I finally wake up to see Tyler is gone. I panic at first, but then remember he stepped out.

I stretch, walking towards the mirror, seeing the black & blue bruises along my chest & neck. All the memories of last night rush to me, causing me to grin wildly. That was the most sexual thing I've ever done with a man, & it was absolute perfection. Tyler & I were so rough with each other; although it hurt, I was in what I imagine to be heaven. I look at my back in the mirror, seeing the scratches he left. I bite my lip, the feeling of his lips pressed on mine still remaining.

As I pull on Tyler's shirt, all these burdening thoughts rush through my head. What am I going to do when he's gone? I'm going to miss him like crazy. I mean, I barley kissed him last time, & I nearly cried. I'm too attached, I don't know what to do. I know this is unhealthy. Sage has told me about relationships where she was too attached, & she always got hurt. I mean, I know that was straight relationships, but there's not much of a difference between the two...

I comb through my hair with my fingers, spraying on some cologne and slipping on my shoes. I grab my room key, locking the door behind me. My heart is fluttering just at the thought of seeing Tyler again; really, the possibility of seeing Tyler. I mean, he could be anywhere in Paris; Paris is heavily populated, so I might not even get to see him.

But after just a few moments of looking around, I see Tilly lying under an oak tree; he seems to be asleep. I run to him, like a small child running to their family. I lie next to him, just taking in his beauty. With the makeup on his neck, the bruises are gone; it just looks like his neck is a little red. He looks adorable. I notice he's wearing my shirt, causing me to grin wildly. I slowly interlock my fingers with his. His eyes open quickly, looking at me.

"Hey babe" he smiles lightly "I love you."

"I love you too" I smile, kissing his cheek. I suddenly begin to frown, thinking how is flight will be later. "I don't want you to leave" I whisper.

"I don't want to, either. But, I have to. It's just one of those things." The air is silent between us, but it's kind of peaceful. I look at him, seeing he seems distressed.

"Troye, I don't know when I can do this again."

"What do you mean?"

"Drop everything to see you on tour. I'd love to all the time, but my manager is really mad at me for this. I had two meetings today, that I ditched. I-this is going to suck" he bites his lip "I fucking hate this."

"Me too" I frown. The air is quiet yet again, but it's tense. Tyler, eventually stands up, pulling me with him.

"Well, we're not going to lie here & be gloomy all day. Come on Sivan, we're touring Paris before I leave." He drags me along, wrapping his arm around my waist. Today might actually be a great last day. ✨
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Although Paris was lonely & mocking when I first seen the city, I realized how beautiful and amazing it is with Tyler by my side. We laughed, cuddled, drank, smiled, kissed, & loved all throughout the city.

That is, until it reached 2 in the afternoon.

We had to rush back to the hotel & pack all his things & get him to the airport by three.

Letting Tyler get on that flight was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I know that probably seems really silly, but as soon as I got back to my hotel, I bust out into tears. Not just for a few minutes, but for a few hours. When I wasn't crying, I wasn't rehearsing like I should have been; I was in fact scrolling through Tumblr. I just sat in my huge, dark room, entirely alone.
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When my eyes flutter open after apparently falling asleep, I see Lawrence sitting on my bed beside me.

"You okay, kiddo? Chasity said she heard you crying earlier, & she didn't want to intrude" Lawrence asks casually "I mean, I know it's none of our business, but we care about you."

"No, it's fine" I sniffle "Tyler left today, & I miss him, is all."

"You sure?"

"I mean-I'm just too attached, & I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt" I say, feeling tears stream down my cheeks again.

"Tyler loves you, Troye" Lawrence says slowly, patting my shoulder in a fatherly way.

"I-I know but what if that stops? What if he's just faking it?" I cry harder.

"You can't just stop loving someone. You always have some feelings for that person. I don't think he's faking it, he seems to really love you, Troye" he pauses "you worry too much."

"I-I know" I say, trying to fake a smile "I'm too attached. Even if he does love me, I know this won't last forever...I'm sorry for gossiping to you, Lawrence" I chuckle as realistically as I can.

"Don't be sorry, it's my fault, I asked" Lawrence chuckles "so, do you need to talk more about it, or...? Sorry, I'm not too great with this comfort stuff."

"No, it's okay" I half smile "thank you for your concern, it means a lot." He nods, ruffling my hair. He walks out of my room without another word.

Venting to him that small bit helped me realize what I have to do.

There's no going back.

I have to do this.