DMs - Bradley Will Simpson

45.

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JANUARY 15TH DECEMBER

I sat there in my bedroom motionless, Brad's book on my lap as I stared into space.

I wasn't really thinking about anything - but at the same time, hundreds of thoughts popped into my head, and I did my best to swipe them away.

My phone vibrated and I ignored it - it was a reminder that my birthday was in two weeks.

Not that it mattered to anyone outside of my house.

"London, are you gonna talk like?" Molly sighed, bored of watching me do nothing.

I didn't reply and just exhaled.

"James says he can come in a month so I'm looking forward to that," she smiled.

"Good for you."

"London." Molly spoke sharply.

"What!" I finally snapped.

"You broke up with Brad, not the other way round. So there's no good in sitting here like an old lady. We're going out," she folded her arms.

"What if I don't want to?" I huffed.

"I don't care, we're going-" she began but stopped, staring at her phone.

"Going where," I rolled my eyes.

"London, I'll be right back." she whispered slowly.

"Um, okay?" I shrugged as she went downstairs and exited my house.

That was weird. Normally I'd go see what was wrong but I couldn't find the effort within me to do simple stuff, like getting up off a chair.

Brad passed his driving test a few days ago. If we were still together, we'd still be able to go places...yeah.

Why did I break up with him?

I wanted to message him, telling that I'd already forgiven him when we broke up. I wanted to tell him that I love him, and that I never wanted us to be apart again.

I sighed again, reading all the messages from mine and Brad's conversations a while ago.

+++

BRAD'S P.O.V:

"Braaaaad. Come on," James shook me.

"I'm fine thanks," I muttered, scrolling through DMs from me and London in the past.

"Fine. I'll see you later," he mumbled and left my room.

London didn't realise how much I missed her. I wonder if she missed me. Hopefully she did.

We were touring extremely soon, and I didn't feel like getting up and going to sound check.

I couldn't even call her my girlfriend anymore.

There was that stupid saying - 'if you love her let go'. I swear that's such a bad quote, you're supposed to fight for the one you love.

But of course, being all weak-kneed for London, made me realise maybe it's for the best.

What?

No it isn't.

You can tell I'm starting to go insane because I'm talking to myself.

But I couldn't talk to anyone else about it, God knows I'd fuck up again.

The things I'd planned for us to do, the places I wanted us to see. I was beginning to sound like I was depressed.

I took a sip of my coffee which was now disgustingly at room temperature, and slowly scribbled a few words down on a notebook.

Million Words

Break ups didn't usually effect me as much as this one has - and maybe that's a sign I really am in love with her.

The weather matched my current mood - depressed. The rain dribbled down my window moodily and the wind howled slightly every few seconds.

It set the perfect atmosphere for me - not. But I'd prefer to this to sunny skies and calm breezes.

What was wrong with me?

I read her last message that she sent to me from yesterday, but I hadn't replied.

@LondonBWS: I love you
15:40pm

I can't even tell you how many times I'd started to type "I love you too" back, and then deleted it.