I looked around and saw Strapz and mom crying. I saw my birth mother looking at me. Her eyes full of regret as she cried. She closed her eyes and said a quick prayer before she just broke down. Strapz mom just held tight onto her as they both cried. I couldn’t even hear what they were saying except one
“If only I was a proper mother to him. If only I was there when he needed me. Then maybe… then just maybe he would be alive” I tried to call them but no one could see me or hear me. Then I realized I could see myself. I was on the bed; a doctor came through and told my mom something. She screamed out like she was in agony and Strapz mom just fell to the floor. That when my heart began to ache. I never wanted to cause her pain, especially her of all people. My mom could f*ck because for all I know she could be crying some fake tears. I always knew that Strapz mom always felt proper love for me; she literally treated me like I was her own son. Like she gave to me; so to see her like this was some mission. I always here the saying, that your parents should never have to bury that child. Yet in this age, so many parents are forced to hear the news they child is dead. I don’t know how I would ever cope with that. Well I anit playing on having children now anyway. I didn’t want to die, because I knew for a certain fact I was heading hell. I have done so much things that a book could be written about all my sins, and I anit talking about some small book. Nahh I mean encyclopedia size. I could feel pain, yet at the same time I didn’t feel anything. There were times where I could do something with the coldest heart in the world, and the next day if I was to repeat that action, guilt, pain and so many emotions would come in the way. It was a constant mental battle. The good in me wanted to take over, but the hood side wanted to dominate everything that made me. I was built for the hood. My mind and heart lay there, while my being was something else. My being was more human than I thought was possible. It was just hidden deep within the walls of my heart. So deep that at times it couldn’t be found. I don’t even know who I want to be anymore. Did I want to be the hood Shauney? Or the Shauney that I was once? Questions bombarded my mind as as my surrounded became blurred. I could just see when the doctor covered my body in a white sheet. A scream could be heard but you would never think it was a human crying. I couldn’t even see anymore, I could just about heard. I knew my being was being transferred. But for the first time since my transformation, I closed my eyes and said a proper prayer
“God I know I haven’t been close to you since I was 13. I know I haven’t even thanked you for the things you have done for me, because I was too busy stuck up my own arse. I know I should be grateful but I can’t be. You may have spared my life so many times and made sure I never landed in Jail. But why put me on this path if it led to so much pain. This is not even the time to be asking these questions. All I wanted to say is forgive my sins. Forgive the person I have become. Make me a better person. Save my soul. Thank you Lord
No one’s POV
His eyes fluttered as he looked around his surrounded. All he could even see was the blurriness of the white surrounds. Strapz had been in the hospital since they had been admitted. If he hadn’t been acting like he was gone, only God knows what would have been of them. His eyes automatically locked on Shauney has he tried to readjust himself on the bed
“Nahh mate take it easy. It’s good to see you again” He smiled and Shauney returned it. No one ever knew of Strapz inner thoughts, but he loved Shauney more than he could even describe. He saw Shauney as the person who influenced him to become better. Junior had only entered the game 1year ago. It was possible for him to escape if he really wanted to, but he was addicted. He was addicted to the money and respect. Being bullied from an early age meant he wanted to repay all those people who had bullied him. Even before he entered the game he had some respect, but the game opened him to a new world. A place where his respect grew so high that his former bullies were working for him. He could make them lick the bottom of his shoes and he had. He had made them pay and still was. He feared his life though. He may have hidden it, but he feared how his life would soon go. He had been around so many deaths he was almost immune to it. His heart was slowly turning cold. He didn’t know who to trust. Shauney had made sure he knew the rights and wrong and the conditions to this life. He told him to always have the mindset of a soldier. Kill anyone who got in your way. Never let the enemy know your close. Keep your friend close but your enemies closer. He knew he had to have a hard heart to survive but he couldn’t. He looked over at Shauney who had a thinking look on his face. Shauney was in deep thought. He thought he was dead, but he was happy he wasn’t. He wondered what was going through Strapz mind. He wanted to know how his mom was. He wanted to know if he birth mother was dead already. His heart was already hardened when it came to her.
