Here I am once again,
I'm in my lowest place.
The dark consumes me,
and I'm left feeling nothing;
Nothing but remorse and contempt.
Loved ones have vanished
behind the curtain concealing
those who couldn't care less about me.
And so I lie in these cold, dark trenches
as I rot into oblivion.
You pull back these curtains.
You peer into the depths.
And taking your lantern
journey into this barren wasteland
to find me huddled in the bottom of
one of the many pitfalls created here.
You offer me your hand.
You offer me your warmth and pull me
from the filth and disgrace I've been held in;
lift me up above the edge and pull me
onto solid ground.
You comfort me;
hold my head and kiss me.
I go to return this favour,
but I find myself gasping for air
as your dagger finds its way into my heart.
My only salvation
watches me bleed;
Insults me and pains me
as I writhe on the ground beneath them.
And I am kicked mercilessly
back into the hole I began in.
Again, I'm left shivering,
frozen by this deed;
This hole in my heart.
"Never again," I swear
"will anyone gain entrance."
And yet you come back again
with apologies and tears in your eyes.
I look into your eyes
and vow never again to hate you,
grasping your hand and freeing myself again.
And you let go as I am at the lip;
Backing out again
after tantalising me with the thought
that I might possibly see you again;
Be able to behold my saviour.
My only salvation
laughs as I fall back again;
As I tumble and crash headfirst into
the depths that they have created;
At the pain and frustration I endure as the
taste of blood flows into my mouth.
The thoughts of your suffering
and YOUR bleeding come into my mind
as I sit, pondering in this deepened gorge.
And I think of all I could say to you
to completely remove you from my life.
But I think of your eyes, your face, your touch.
And my anger disappears.
How could I hurt something so fragile?
How could I wish so badly upon
this one who I've grown so fond of?
This one who holds my heart,
crushes it in forms of amusement;
Who mends it with such care
and spits in my eye through the process.
My only salvation.
