To: JIMIN

Love is not enough

To: Jimin (160116)

I woke up in the middle of the night. I played your song 'Butterfly' so I could go back to sleep. Then I remembered what my teacher had taught us yesterday.

"If you want to be with that person, loving him with all your being is not enough. Effort and Sacrifice balances the equation"

When my teacher said this, I thought about you. I know I love you. My friends and family always laugh at me whenever they ask if I have I boyfriend and I'll just say no I don't because I already have you. Most of them think I'm delusional. That I'm obsessed.

Delusional. But not obsessed.

There is a fine line between love and obsession.

You call it obsession when you think about someone frequently, or do something that isn't normal anymore.

To love, it takes a lot than thinking of you constantly or following you wherever you go (in the internet). I mean, I don't think of you frequently. I try to not to think about you. I've got school, my family, friends and problems to manage. But at the end of the day, my thoughts will always come back to you. The only thing I cannot handle.

I guess loving you is not enough. I feel so envious to those people who could see you up close, those who live the same place as you are, or even breathe the same air. This made me thinking 'Oh I'm pathetic there's no way he's gonna notice me'

Do you know that I'm studying hard right now? When I finish my degree, I will work my butt off and provide for my family and when I have enough money, I will go to Korea and see you personally.

To be honest, I haven't been to one of your concert in our place. The first time you came here, I had to go to Taiwan for a contest. That's why every time you release an album, I sometimes don't eat or I walk from our dorm to our school just to save some money so I could buy it. Because you know, at least in this way I'm supporting you, even if you can't see my effort, when you become happy for being number one is more than enough for me.

I planned everything already what will happen after college. But sometimes, I worry about things like "Would that even happen" or "What if I'm too late?"

Ugh. I'm stupid, crazy, delusional, pathetic, idiot, gullible and all adjectives in the english language that shows how fcked up I am from loving you.

Sometimes, I wish this will end. But I don't have a heart to. Yes, I don't have it because you're already keeping it.

Loving you + Effort + Sacrifice,
Khlaire