I wish to meet you if ever I could have a shot with destiny. I may not be the girl worth remembering, but I hope I could be a girl worth calling a fan.
It's been weeks since the last time I opened my wifi and reconnect myself to the social community. I don't want to cry again. Knowing too well you're going back to my country to have a concert for second time around, and for the second time around I wouldn't be able to see you. Things reminding me whenever I open my twitter, instagram, tumblr, even facebook. I can't even watch tv without wincing every now and then whenever I see your advertisement platform. It's like a slap on the face, maybe more painful than Hulk giving me a blow.
Sigh. Life sucks. I keep saying "It's okay. You can attend next time" over and over again. It's my daily mantra, to ease the pain, but it doesn't necessarily erase or remove it. I promised myself and you that the first time you'll come in our place, you'll see me in the crowd, shouting your name, cheering on you, and singing along with you. But unfortunately, I had other plans. Plans more important than you? Maybe. I love you like crazy but I know my priorities.
I was qualified for an international exhibition in Taiwan. December 2014. I had problems in acquiring my passport and the date for our departure was drawing near. I was in hysterics, almost made me forget about the fact that I couldn't attend TRB. It was my first international competition and I couldn't let that oppurtunity go away, but the Department of Immigration had other plans.
I remember going home while crying, my mom was comforting me. It was once in a life time to make my parents proud and I couldn't make it. My mom tried to negotiate with me. She told me that if my passport will not be released any time sooner, she'll instead give me anything I want. I though about you, and the concert. It was selfish of me to think of that. But somehow it manages to ease my sorrow.
Well, I did get my passport and that means I didn't get to attend to your first concert here. I'm going to Taiwan! But that didn't really erase the longing. When I went to the airport, I became silly and began to retrace the steps I imagined you have taken. Even just in the small things, I was able to connect with you.
I won! Our hardwork finally paid off. The day of the awarding, when the gold medal was given to me, I saw pride and pure happiness in my mom's eyes. She was with me all the way. And that day, I want to thank you. You have been one of the main reasons why I worked my butt off. I wished for that moment, I could've shared the joy with you.
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Now, July 2016. Your concert is scheduled on the 31st. My class will resume on August. No class, but unfortunately, no money. I could've asked my parents for the ticket as my 18th birthday gift, but I couldn't realky bring myself to do that. The ticket's a little bit pricey and my savings isn't enough. I'm already in college and I should spend money wisely. It's not that buying a ticket to your concert is a waste of possession, but as I said, priorities. And my top priority is to graduate college, get a job, make my family's life better and maybe, yes I'm going to, pursue you(?). Find you, and I know it's absurd, maybe tell you about how I feel.
You might think I'm still living in the world I created, where only you and I existed. Reality bites and I find comfort in our world. But that doesn't mean I ignore reality. I have to face it sooner or later. Maybe the day I'll meet you, face to face, after I'll utter the three words I've been dying to say to you, that only I would be able to say it to you, maybe, just maybe I would be able to let you go.
But right now, I'm hoping I could get some tickets (out of luck). I'm crossing my fingers, my arms, my legs, my eyes, and every part of my body that can be crossed. Wish me luck!
