Everything's Fine

Chapter Five

"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared." -Lois Lowry

[amazing banner made by effeminatemgc ]

Nico woke up late that evening with the feeling he was being watched and something cold pressed up against his cheek.

He struggled to sit himself up, wincing as he stressed his ribs once more and found it nearly unbearable to inhale. The nagging voice in the back of his head had not ceased its persistence and continued to remind him he had to tell someone but his sense of haughty dignity would permit him to do nothing of the sort. His eyes scanned the room frantically for his father but came up empty and he sighed, relaxing once more into the lumpy sofa. He noticed a half-melted ice pack resting on the cool spot on the pillow where his cheek had been and he placed it back onto his throbbing head. Any move he made would send a shot of pain coursing through his veins and stopping at the end of his pale fingers that were grasping the old green blanket draped over his body like a lifeline. There were times where he wondered if the pain would ever pause its undeviating torture and the pounding in his head would allow him to have a thought without being interrupted by the strong ringing that pulsed through his skull like an alarm.

'You wouldn't have to deal with the pain anymore if you just told someone...' taunted the somewhat rational voice in a saccharine tone.

'No, they can't do anything except get you stuck in some foster home.'  He silently assured himself, shaking his head as if that would rid the undisputed sensibility of the first voice somehow. Although he knew that the first voice was right and its argument was valid, he was unable to follow its orders and uproot his entire life; even if the solution would benefit him and put an end to his current situation. He was petrified of the change that the decision would bring upon his life and the aftermath that would undoubtedly follow, so paralyzed that he was powerless against the irrationality of his strong pride that undermined the authority of the pragmatic resolution that anybody else would have the guts to follow. He was a coward, too scared to follow anybody's advice but his own; and that was what terrified him most of all.

He jumped as his father's bedroom door slammed behind him and he looked up, expecting to see his dad with a beer and an exhausted expression but instead was greeted with a harsh glare from his older brother and the feeling of panic that invaded his thoughts and sent a shiver down his spine. Great.

"Hey, jackass." He snarled with an air of cockiness. Nico bit his lower lip so hard he thought it would split. He didn't really need a confrontation with his asshole of a brother at the moment and certainly didn't want to end up even worse off. His head already felt like it might explode from the excruciating pain building up.

"Where's Dad?" He questioned weakly, glaring right back at his brother. He couldn't fight but he could at least try and act tough. His attempts were all for naught, however, and his brother snorted, his laugh cold and mocking. He touched his arm on the place his brother had held a lit cigarette to it the night prior and flinched.

"He drove off, dunno when." He shrugged, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets and leaning up against the wall. "Probably couldn't handle you playing sick any longer." He spat and Nico couldn't resist a roll of his eyes.

"I ain't playing, my head really hurts." He pointed out, earning another cruel laugh from his brother.

"So what? You gonna go and tell your pathetic little suburban friends and mooch off of 'em for the rest of your life?" He countered and Nico merely shook his head in resign. The two voices battled in his head, one telling him to stick up for himself and the other telling him it was his fault; it would always be his fault. He didn't like the second one, but what could he do? He could feel his brother's dark eyes narrowing in on him like an eagle with its prey, the alarms were blaring but he had already dug himself into a hole that would be near impossible to climb out of; what was the point of trying to avoid his inevitable fate?