Everything's Fine

Chapter Six

               

"You have learned to run from what you feel and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control." – Megan Chance

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            Nico winced as the stale November breeze struck his face like a whip and sent a shiver down his spine, causing him to quake in his shoes. Running out was the easy part, knowing what to do afterwards was proving itself to be a challenge.

He knew it was exceedingly thoughtless of him to just up and leave Mr. Anderson's apartment in the middle of the night, but it wasn't nearly as foolish as agreeing to go there in the first place. He hadn't considered the ramifications of his decision due to his scattered thoughts and illness-induced state at the time, but as he looked back on the last few hours; he knew that he had messed up.

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            The instant he recognized the feel of another person's hand on his shoulder, Nico nearly jumped out of his skin.

He could feel his eyes widen in alarm as he sat up, shaking his shoulder out from under the hand and kicking off the warm wool blanket that had been covering his legs. It took him half a minute to remember where he was and what he was doing there, regret soon hitting him head-on when the memories of the evening came rushing back. He took in his surroundings for the first time, the dull throbbing of his head and the hunger in his stomach overpowering any shock or surprise. He let out a heavy sigh when he noticed Mr. Anderson's concerned eyes watching him like a hawk from the other side of the couch.

            "Hey, how's your head feeling?" He questioned cautiously, pushing a hand through his hair. Nico merely shrugged, dark eyes darting to any corner of the room to avoid meeting his teacher's prying gaze. He mindlessly toyed with a loose string hanging from the blanket, mesmerized as he wrapped it around his index finger over and over again.

Just stay quiet he told himself as he attempted to hypnotize himself with the string. Nothing bad will happen if you just stay quiet. His teacher cleared his throat and Nico flinched instinctively.

"I said," he began sternly, his tone accusing. "How's your head feeling?" He repeated, obviously anticipating a response beyond body language. Nico squeezed his eyes together, ignoring the blatant pressure he put on his bruised eye. He pulled the string even tighter around his finger, his nervousness displayed openly for the eyes of the world as he messed with the loose thread. Deep in his mind he knew that Mr. Anderson was only trying to help his predicament and there was no plausible reason why he was so fearful. However, as paranoia set in, it pushed all rational thoughts from his head and he was left with the realization that there was nobody he could ever trust again. How could something as insignificant as a few beatings from his brother damage him in this way? He wasn't able to grasp when the scene shifted or how he ended up this way; he was reduced to a shell of his former self, a person he didn't know. When were things going to change back?

Suddenly, he felt a much larger hand enclose his and begin to unravel the string still around his finger and released the blanket that he was clinging to like a lifeline. His eyes shot open and he pulled his hand away almost as if he was grabbing it back from a venomous snake. He could see the evident worry in his teacher's eyes and he looked down once more, his gaze fixated on some other miscellaneous household item that would distract his racing mind from the stress currently plaguing his clouded head.

"Nico-" Mr. Anderson started once more, but was cut off by a harsh glare from the defiant teenager, anger flashing across his once dormant façade.

"Fine! It's just fine! Alright?"  He snapped suddenly, not intentionally raising his tone. Fury boiled inside of him, threatening to spill over any second. He was an agglomeration of mixed emotions and the unsystematic setup of his thoughts weren't a huge help. He bit the inside of his cheek immediately to prevent himself from another outburst.