BLUSH

Diary Entry #6

Blush!

Yeah.. I wasn't talking to you in my dream.

I meant what I said.

I am madly, totally, completely, irresistibly, extremely, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Raymond Stratford.

He's the best thing that's happened to me, Blush.

He carries this positive energy that always makes me feel happy on the inside. When I'm with him, it feels like the two of us were meant to be together. With him time flies! I don't understand how I spend so much time with him yet it doesn't seem enough.

He has the ability to change my mood from very bad to very good. Without even telling him that I'm feeling low, I am met by his so cute attempts at making me smile. Yes! He knows how to make me smile. Like really smile. The way he defines it. You know, how it should reach the eyes and all.

He understands my silence, my unspoken words. I mean, is that even possible? Well, in thus case, hell yeah!

He can talk and talk and talk and talk. He'll tell me about the smallest of things that happen with him. Even when I'm not concerned with it. Because he thinks that sharing anything and everything is important.

There are so many little things that I love about him. Like his way of looking at things. It's always the brighter side that he sees. An optimist. He thinks the best possible thing will happen, and hopes for it even if it's not likely. He's someone who's a tad too confident this way.

He has his own way of perfection. I mean, he has this thing of being perfect at every thing he does. If not possible, he'll go for next-to-perfect.

He doesn't do mainstream. He does unique.

He's so stupid at times. And he's utterly understanding sometimes.

He has an awful handwriting! But I love it!

I am insane!

Blush, I love the way he looks at me.

With tenderness.

With care.

With warmth.

His eyes are the most beautiful pair of eyes that exist on Earth. Trust me.

They're like pitch black if you look at them from a distance. But when you look closely, the rim is black. And the centre is a space of darkest bluish freckles. Wow.

His gaze on me is always intense. Like he's always trying to look inside me. Trying to figure out what I'm feeling like, what I'm thinking about.

I like it that he sees me as a special person in his life. The way he talks about me like I'm someone different and how he feels very composed and relaxed when he's around me and how he finds me really easy to talk to.

Blush, I've never told this to him but it's the same with me too. I mean, I've never felt so alive with anyone else. Since the past two years I haven't interacted with anyone in the way I've been with him. It's like he just came into my life and flipped it around.

For my own good.

I've changed, Blush.

Way too much. I've started being casual with everybody. I talk to people. I say what I feel like. I talk my thoughts out to him. Okay, maybe not every time. But at least I can say that I'm trying, right?

And that's solely because of him.

No scratch that.

That's solely FOR him.

Blush, when he can selflessly do so much for me -- though unknowingly -- then I surely can return him the favour, can't I?

Blush, I don't believe it.

It's such a strange feeling. I have a smile on my face right now because I'm thinking of him. I also have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, he's super sexy! I mean, literally!

How in the name of Christ can someone be as sexy as him?

The way his black hair is always dishevelled and the way he runs his hand through them makes it even more irresistible.

His eyes, ah, well, umm, I've talked about them.

His lips. Oh my god his lips! So pink and so full and so inviting. Now that I think of it, I have this sudden urge to lock them with mine. I want to be near him. So near.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

Blush!!!!

This is crazy!!!!

I love him. So, so much.

BUT.

His words. Those two shitty words.

Best friends.

That's what he thinks Blush.

He sees me as his best friend.

Blush, was it fair of me to ruin what we have by falling in love with him?

But it wasn't in my hands, was it?

I mean, now that I love him and according to him we're best friends, there's only one thing I can do.

I have to keep things like they are. I cannot confess my feelings about him to him because it may destroy what we have.

I will be quiet. I won't tell him anything.

I will still love him.

But silently.

Yours,

Ashley S.