The Girl

Live To Rise

"Will I what?" I asked.
"Will you look back when you remember her?" Ron asked, desperation lacing the edges of his words as he quoted the song we had just listened to.
"Of course I will. What do you take me for, a Cyberman? I'm not feelingless. I loved her since I met her. Of course I'll remember her. She'll be everywhere. We used to talk about the future, and how we hoped our futures would turn out. We'd talk about running away together. About what was hidden among the stars. And she made so many things so much more meaningful to me. So much more beautiful. And now, when I think about those things that she made beautiful, she's there. Just out of my reach. And I miss her, so much," I looked up from the ground to meet Ron's eyes. "It's the same for you, isn't it?" I swivelled my head to look at Scott. "And you, too, right? But it was all three of you who discussed it together. Maybe not running away, but the beings hidden among the stars, and your futures. And the beautiful things, like the sky before a storm, or the sunrise when it's an overcast, going to rain, kind of day. And the mystical feeling people call love," my voice tapered off into a silence, and I let my sight fall to the gravel I was sitting on once more.
It was one of those silences that could kill a man, suffocating him. And it almost did, to me. Until Ron pulled me back. "Dear God, you sound just like her! I can't take it. How? How are you so much like her, man? It's fucking insane, that's what it is. Like she's possessed you, or something." He stood up, and so did I. I cowered before him. I'm not trying to sound pathetic, but that's how it was. I covered my face, expecting to be hit, or something to that effect. But I wasn't. I was instead hugged.
"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm just, mad at the world for taking her away. I don't want to face any day without her, because she's a part of my routine. Some mornings, we'd walk, and we'd joke around, or talk. Or she'd just be singing and I'd surprise her but she'd just start again and keep singing, and I would just listen and let her do her thing. And all I'd do is compliment her singing and bid her goodbye. That's what we did the day she did it. That's exactly what we did. She sang Live to Rise by Soundgarden. I remember that, because the first thing I heard her sing were the lyrics ' we're insane but not alone, you hold on and they're gone.' The last thing I heard from her, were the lyrics ' and if I fail what happens then? Can I still count on you as a friend?'"
And to that, he burst into tears. He held onto me, and cried.

Okay, two chapters in one day, because a devoted fan wanted it. And also because I kind of thought I should do this because I probably won't update in this next week. This part legitimately made me cry while I was writing it, because I know that this would happen with two of my friends, if I did decide to kill myself. These characters are based on real people, who are my three best friends. Well, the characters are partially made up, but resemble them.. And the girl, well, she's meant to represent me. Because I get these thoughts a lot. And I probably would do this, if pushed far enough. Bye, have a good one raptors, because that's what you all deserve.
- TLR