Infinite Reflections

XIV. My Private Dreams

I spent the night in the attic with Levi. Minna said she’d cover for us, and although I wasn’t sure how, I believed her. Levi had pillows hiding in one of the boxes on the far end of the room, and it was too warm to need a blanket. We opened the windows a few inches, enough to let air in but not enough to reveal our hiding place. I was surprised no one ever checked the attic, or noticed that the lock had been broken.

“Renna?” It was Levi’s voice, somewhere amidst the darkness. It was early in the morning, although the sun hadn’t started to come up yet. I had always been a light sleeper, and the mere mention of my name was enough to snap me back into reality. I opened my eyes, stretching my arms sleepily above my head. I turned onto my side to face Levi, staring into the eyes that I’d fallen asleep too.

“Were you having a nightmare?” he asked, his voice laced with concern. I thought back, but whatever dream I’d been having had escaped me, gone like the wind.

“I don’t remember,” I admitted, chewing on my lip ever so slightly.

“You were talking,” Levi revealed, and I raised my eyebrows. That was strange, I never talked in my sleep. At least, I’d never been told I had. Minna had never mentioned anything. “You said something about Alan,” he pointed out, “whoever that is.”

“You must have misheard me,” I denied. “I don’t even know anyone named Alan.” I was beginning to think Levi was lying, that I never talked in my sleep, nor did I mention anyone that I didn’t know.

“It sounded like he was hurting you,” Levi pointed out, inching closer to me.

“I don’t believe you,” I admitted, turning around to face the opposite direction. How could I believe something so strange?

Levi’s arm twisted around my waist, his body wrapping around mine. Every crack and crevice that my clothing left was covered by his, now an inch between us.

I closed my eyes, feeding off of the warmth he radiated.

“That’s fine with me,” he finally admitted, as I fell back asleep, drifting back into dreamland.

As if on cue, the scene continued. The white pastel walls, the constant beeping of heart monitor machines, the putrid smell of blood.

“Where am I?” I asked in a groggy voice, a yawn slipping from my lips.

“You’re at St. James Hospital, Syrenne,” a woman answered, dressed in a sky blue uniform, a clipboard resting between her arms and chest. Another woman, I realized, was standing behind her working with a computer that I suspected was hooked up to medical equipment.

The woman’s answer took me by shock. I looked down instinctively, past the baggy hospital gown that covered my body, to the cuts and lacerations that lined my skin. They were everywhere, every inch of my body. There wasn’t a spot I could find that wasn’t red from dried blood, or bleeding.

My arms were covered almost entirely from bandages, although they’d soaked through and were leaving red stains on the hospital bed that I rested on. The rest of my body held the scars that I could see. It was as if I’d been attacked by a bear, and for a moment, I reckoned I had been.

“What happened?” I questioned the nurse, who gave her colleague a reluctant look, and then took a deep breath and faced me. I maintained a look of disgust and fear.

“You forgot to take your medication,” she hinted, trying not to dig too deep into the subject.

I took another look at my body, the scars, the blood, the bandages, and panicked. I started ripping the bandages off but the nurses called in help and I was restrained, screaming and kicking. The heart monitor machine was giving off screeching beeps. Within a second, a male nurse entered the room with a syringe, planting the object into my arm. Slowly, my consciousness faded.

I awoke with a jolt, sitting up with my eyes wide open. I took a moment to catch my breath, gazing over to see if I’d woken Levi. To my surprise, his eyes were closed. I breathed a sigh of relief, sinking back down into my pillow and closing my eyes.

“What did you dream about this time?” Levi’s deep voice broke in.

My eyes opened, staring over at him for a moment. So he was awake.

I bit my lip, debating on telling him the truth. What would he think of the dream? I hadn’t dreamt of anyone named Alan this time, although this was certainly another nightmare. Maybe Levi was right, and I had been having nightmares the whole night. Why was this the only one I could remember?

“Do you remember it this time?” Levi asked, his voice laced with curiosity. His eyes danced across my face, studying it for any sign of emotion. He was worried, that much I could tell, although I wasn't sure why. It was ordinary for someone to have nightmares. Everyone had them at some point or another. Besides, being in an abandoned psychiatric hospital attic could've spooked me.

“No, I don’t,” I finally answered, keeping my voice as strong and innocent as I could. Levi had to believe that I was telling the truth. If I was a liar, I was just as good as any of the other suicidal girls were to him. If I was an honest, innocent girl, then the doctors would know, and I could help Levi's case.

Whatever this dream was, I would keep it to myself. For some reason, I couldn't get my mind off of it.