Recovery (GOT7 fanfic)

The Turmoil of Faking and Lying

"Good morning! How are you? Sleep well?" Yugyeom grinned, buttering some toast.

"I'm fine. And yes," I answered simply, lying of course. Why burden others? He smiled at me, but I did not return the kind gesture. I felt bad that I didn't even try. I stood up to grab some toast too, but Yugyeom stopped me. 

"This was for you!" He laughed. He passed the plate with the buttered toast on it over to me. "Sorry if it's a bit burnt," He said sheepishly. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's fine... But it's yours," I frowned, going to hand it back to him. The toast was burnt. Another lie.

"Nope, I insist," He stood up and walked away. I didn't even thank him. I should have thanked him. I should have been nice.

I took a hesitant bite. It was crunchy, and had a slight bitter taste to it. It wasn't bad. I was halfway through the slice when my brother came down for breakfast. "Hi Bambamie," 

He looked at me in shock, and I was shocked with myself too. I had initiated the conversation. For the first time in months. And I had used his nickname. For the first time in years. I knew he still felt guilty. I used to blame him, but I realised that everything that happens to me, is because of me. 

"Hey! You feeling better?" Bambam's expression lightened, and he no longer seemed sleepy. He looked happier that way.

"Yes," I lied again. He was too happy to ruin. I felt sick every time I had to tell someone I was fine.

I put down my unfinished toast on my plate and went to get dressed. Grey jeans and a black hoodie. How plain... How me.. 

I sighed and looked in the mirror. So many imperfections to cover up. My eyes were bloodshot, I had bags under my eyes, and a few blemishes on my chin and right cheek. And my hair was just, ugh. Long, thick and frustrating. I could probably do with a shower too, but now I don't have time. 6.50am and we need to catch the bus at 7.00am to get to school on time. I put on my foundation, then powder, then concealer, then blusher, then eyeliner, then mascara. It still wasn't enough for my flaws. Now I just looked like I was fake, and had tried way too hard. I had no time to take it off and reapply it more subtly, so I had to leave it like that. One more thing to be insecure about during the entire day.

"Noona, you ready?" Bambam called from downstairs. In response, I ran down the flight of stairs, flying to the floor with a stomp. I smiled. It was fun. 

"Be careful," Yugyeom giggled, helping me stand up.

"...Thanks," I muttered. I remembered to thank him this time, even if I sounded meek and weak. I tied up my hair into a high ponytail absentmindedly.

"Shit! 7.00am! We need to run!" Bambam yelled, pushing open the door. 

"Language," I warned as an impulse. Says me, the hypocrite. We used to swear whenever we talked together. It became colloquial language to us.

I glanced at my shoeless feet, and then at Yugyeom, who was holding the door open and beckoning me forward. 

"Aishh," I sighed. I picked up my red converse and rushed out, following Bambam to the bus stop. The rough gravel pricked and indented my feet, which were only protected by flimsy, thin socks. 

"Here, get on my back!" Yugyeom suggested, noticing my practically bare feet and my struggle to walk. I frowned at him and shook my head. I continued as best as I could to run forward. The bus was already there, and I could see Bambam trying to make the driver wait for us.

"Just go on and make an excuse for me being late," I stopped, turning to Yugyeom. He smirked, and I frowned again. 

"But you're never late," He said, and he picked me up over his shoulder. I hit his back lightly with my fists. I didn't really want to hurt him. He's been so nice to me. So, I gave up and let him carry me. His grin widened when I stopped resisting, which made me roll my eyes. I couldn't believe this guy. 

"Wow, you're lighter than you look," He chuckled, putting me down in front of the bus doors. I couldn't thank him for that. I was too self concious. Instead, I looked down at my stomach as I walked on the bus, and sucked in some air to make myself look skinnier. 

The bus was empty, as usual. Our house was the first stop, so we always got the back row. It was an hour ride, and we often stretched our legs over the seats and slept. Well, I rested while they slept. We're lucky that the bus driver doesn't take too much notice. I would be furious if I were him. 

I closed my eyes anyway, since I was bored of the repetitive scenery out of the window. I leaned against Yugyeom's  diaphragm while resting my feet across Bambam's legs. I thought they were both asleep, but it turned out only Bambam was. Either that, or Yugyeom moved in his sleep. He was running his fingers through my hair, even though it was tied up. I didn't stop him. It was relaxing, and comforting.

We stay like that for almost thirty minutes, until the bus jolts to a halt at the next stop. My eyes flicker open, and I sit up straight. It's people from school. I smile, but too hard. It looks fake, I just know it. Most of them frown at me, some laugh, and a few smile awkwardly without really looking at me. I know what it's like to feel obliged to smile. You can't make it look natural. 

Once they took their seats, I sighed at my inability to fit in and be social, as the bus started again. The next stop was school, where I spent my days alone, or with Yugyeom and sometimes Bambam. My brother had a tendency to hang out with the 'bad' crowd. The same guys sat at the front of the bus, laughing and taking pictures of each other. They pull silly faces, but they still look pretty and good looking in the photos. I would never be able to do that. I'm a little jealous. 

"Hellooo? I was talking to you!" Yugyeom's voice rang through my head.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry," I murmur.

"What I was saying was, you might want to put your shoes on now, before you forget about them,"

"You're right," I replied, and reached down to put my converse on. 

"Nu-uh, put your feet up here, I'll tie your laces," Yugyeom said, tugging at my right foot. I loosen up and let him. He only knots them once. My eyes go back and forth between him and the laces. They need to be double knotted. He smiles at me, before noticing my concern. I could almost see the lightbulb appear above his head, as he leaned over and double knotted them.

"...Thanks," I say.

"No problem," He's smiling again. It almost makes me want to smile too. But if I smiled, my teeth would show. And my teeth are horrible, so I refrain from smiling back at all costs. I detect something in his eyes. Maybe disappointment. 

The bus halts for the last time, and I leap off, skipping a step. My sides of my lips curl slightly, before returning to a emotionless expression. 

I looked up at the building that I had tried so hard to avoid most days. School.