I Used To Love You

chapter nine

Hi :)!!!!

Hope you enjoy this chapter a lot!

G.
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I was the in living room with my friends playing silly games like always. I was thirsty so I got up and walked to the kitchen and grabed some soda but when I turn around I bump into someone.

"Sorry." I say.

"No problem I was just looking for something to eat beside pizza. I want something sweet." he says. I think I could recognize his voice anywhere. It was Rafa's sweet and armonical voice but... Something was off.

"Well," I say sitting in a bar stool, " there's some ice cream in the freezer."

"You want to join me?" he says walking where I was sitting with two spoons.

"I thought that was implicit." I say while giggling a little. And I JUST DID NOT GIGGLED! What else would be next? Me with a marker and I would beg him to put his name in me? Well, I'm sure that's a little to much but you know what I mean.

"So how are you?"

"I'm fine I guess. Well, as good as I can be is just... I'm glad that you are here with me." I say blurting everything that was on my mind.

"Glad you are glad." he says with a smirk.

"You are like him right now." I say staring directly at his eyes.

"How so?'' he says looking directly in my eyes.

I just keep looking in his eyes and it hits me that I want him to look like HIM and it terrify me. But deep down I know that I am glad that he is psychical like him because then, I could love him just like I loved him but at the same time I'm just relieved that is only physically because I love him just like he is. I know how this sound, I know how a holy big of messed up this is, that I felt this way, but I just can't forget about him that easily. I want to. But is not easy. I have tried, i really had...

So I just cuddle on him and say "Thanks god is only physically." and close my eyes, breathing his essence while he pulls me closer to him.

"Emily." he says and I look up into his eyes. The eyes of the person that I once loved "I still lov..."

And I open my eyes looking in my surroundings. Looking for something but I still don't know what and then I remember my dream. It was a dream.

God! I dreamed with mark again but now it was Rafa in Mark's body and that is sick. Is messed up, is stupid, is me and I want to cry for that because I'm the one being stupid. I'm the one that can't forget Mark after all that had happened and I am the one that wants to be with him and keep forgotten what he did. What he made me feel like, what everyone who was near me passed through and how lonely I felt, how sick I felt and how horrified I was.

And I want to throw up. I run to the bathroom and puke everything inside of my stomach. I hear someone running to me and talking to me but I couldn't care less.

I just wanted to keep throwing up and then curl myself in a tight ball. I now I was crying and puking and I know I should stop. I know is not healthy but I can't bring myself to stop.