A Long Walk Home (Sequel to Left Alone in the Dark)

Chapter 4

Claire's dead and I have to except that. I am just seeing things, and I have to stop.

"Brad can we go home?" I asked.

"Yeah sure" he responded.

• • •

We got home and I sat at the table, opening the second letter up. Brad decided to turn on the t-v to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

This letter was made on January 10th, 2015. I remember this date. It was that same day Claire found out about Erin. I regret her having to see that.

Dear Patrice,

I'm not really much for letters but I wanted to write it because I need to express my feelings out there. Again, you'll most likely never see this but I just need to put this out there.

The main reason why I wanted this new job is because I wanted to see you again. I wanted to tell you how long 2 weeks with out you is. It's horrible. It's like I can't even think straight.

And then today how I walked into the locker room to get you, and saw that you were making out with Erin, it broke my heart. It made me feel like I wasn't wanted anymore.

I love you Patrice. I'd do anything for you and I want to put it out there. Leaving you was the worst mistake I have ever done. And it's all my fault why this is happening. Patrice, you see, I want to call you mine. I want to die being with you. I want to have a family with you. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is because today you told me you were officially over me.

I feel horrible right now. Because the person I love doesn't feel the same about me. And that's why I want to leave. I don't even see why there's a point for me living anymore.

I can't take this anymore. Patrice, I love you. And I know I said that a lot already but I really do.

And you want to know how I know that I love you? It's because I smile everyday for no reason. And the only reason I smile is because I'm thinking about you. Whenever you hugged me, it felt like something I've never felt before.

I'm in love Patrice. I'm in love with you. And I'm planning to do that till I have no reason to love you anymore. And that's possibly never going to happen.

At least I'll never let it happen.

Claire

Brad immediately noticed the emotion drain out of me.

He walked over and hugged me.

"I can't take this anymore Brad. I just can't" I said sobbing.

"Patrice stay strong" he responded.

I sat in the chair crying, Brad started shedding a few tears too after reading the whole letter.

"Claire really does love you Patrice. But you need to stay strong for her. I can guarantee that she doesn't want you to be like this." Brad pointed out.

"Brad I want to be with Claire. Right now. I miss her too much" I responded.

"Patrice please. Please don't do this" Brad said.

1 year later

I woke up that morning and drank my coffee. It was a bright sunny day.

I needed to start getting ready for practice in a couple of minutes, but I decided to  walk over to the window, overlooking TD Garden.

I looked at the people walking in the streets. I saw a couple holding hands, talking merrily and happily.

"That should of been Claire and I" I mumbled.

I started getting ready for practice at Ristuccia that day. Just a regular day, with out Claire.

I definitely have simmered down from what event happened a year ago. I still miss Claire but I've learned how to live without her.

But still.